なんくるないさ

I plan on getting the title of this post around my ankle. It basically means whatever happens, happens or everything will be alright. My friends think that matches me perfectly, but right now I dont see it that way. My grandma went trhough four years of cancer, and she passed away this January. If your a follower you know I miss her, and Im still not over it. If my teachers in school decide to use cancer as an example for something I somehow tune everything out wirhout even knowing it. My classmate even decided to make a cancer joke and I just told him to shut the fck up and walked out of class...today should be fun seeing him again...  I cant even be in a hospital and go crazy trying not to remember. Last night I found out my uncle has cancer now too. We dont know how serious it is, but still hearing that another loved one in my family has cancer, just fcking sucks. How can I say everything will be alright. How can I say whatever happens, happens. You know what else fcking sucks, some hospitals wont let kids under the age of 12 to go in the patient rooms, my uncles daughter my cousin is only 11 years old. She couldnt go in to see her father, she couldnt be there for him, she didnt understand what was going on. I want to say that everything will be alright. I really do. But Im not strong enough to say those words, because Im still not alright.