Tuesday, September 25, 2012

"Is she really your best friend or the girl that you've loved for the past three years?"
I honestly couldn't answer this question. I couldnt answer the question why I loved her as a person and why she was my best friend.
When I got home all I could think about the memories that we shared together and honestly? It's more of the person I've loved for the past three years rather than my best friend.
what moment made her my best friend? It was the day my grandma had passed away. She was there to comfort me even though we had just met a couple months before. Just that one moment has made me stay her friend over all these years.
I've been through so much drama because of her and I have even lost some friends. At the time she was worth it, it was just a no brainer for me. This girl was my best friend and I was in love with her.
I loved the way she would hold me from behind, and I loved doing the same for her. I love how we act like creepers together. I loved that she understood that driving around or being driven around makes me feel better. I love the way we eat at RaiRai's. I love how cute she can be, her weirdness and her sense of humor.
I guess most of what I just listed were things as a lover and not a best friend. I have never not liked this girl. She has always been in the back of my mind in all of my relationships over the years. Heck I fucked up a relationship because I still had feelings for her.
Ive never gotten to know her as a friend I guess?
I have the hardest time telling her how I sometimes. I want to ask her "What do I mean to you" that's all I want to know.
I do still lover her but I will move on and forget about her. What she did to me as a lover I will never forgive her for.
As a best friend? as the girl who was there for me when the most important person in my life passed away? I should drop her out of my life.
Its just fucking hard. Having her there every day of my life to not being around at all? its like a piece of myself is going to be missing.
My family calls her my other half and its true. We've always been together and now we're not. Soon they're going to ask what happened and I will say shes not my best friend anymore.
She's not the girl I should love and she lost me as her best friend...
I've come to that conclusion but will I keep it? probably not.
I know in the back of my mind that when she does fall I will be there to pick her up.
The past me will show up, pick her up and leave.