Friday, September 14, 2012

I cared about her, as a person I could love, as a person and as my best friend, but now? I really don't give a fuck. As a best friend she shouldn't have led me on like she did for a whole month, there was no reason for them to hold back anything from me. If they had both just told me i wouldnt be hurting this much, I wouldn't have spent an entire month asking for advice to see if it was worth it to tell her how I feel. If they had just told me I wouldnt be crying so much, I would hurt less, I would have more hours of sleep and honestly I would have two more friends on my list of friends. \
We were suppose to have a talk today just us for three hours. We didnt do that. I needed the talk. I needed to ask her again as to why she did that to me. What am i to her? Why do you put yourself in these situations? Are you trying to push me away? Are you really engaged to him already? Do you still trust me? Did you ever trust me?
I called her my best friend but maybe the whole thing was one sided. She never trusted to tell me anything about her life. If that one time she did it was to just scare me away. I'm so mad at her right now. And I know that after all shes done to me I should drop her from my life. Save me the pain, the drama and the time, but I cant. I used to call her my best friend for a reason. I still remember those reasons. But they sound more like a reason as to why I liked her.
When she rejected me she didnt reject me as her best friend. She rejected me as another option.
I'm tired of all of this.
just tired.