Saturday, September 8, 2012

take her surfing

go to the zoo
take her to the secret beach
Ice palace
Once I realized that I still loved Sasha and wanted to do something about it, I planned out dates for us. I asked friends for help, asked for the hook-up, asked to borrow cars and asked for their support. I got all of it from them, and now I have to tell them I don't need it anymore. Don't need it because I should have held my feelings in. I knew she wasn't over any of her ex's and I told her how I felt, I knew she was having a hard time with something. That something, just happened to be me. I was the person who didnt realize that she was already going out with someone. I was the idiot who doesnt want to accept it. I am the idiot who let their heart win. 
She's giving me space by staying at his house but honestly that just makes me feel worse. I want to be the one to move on and get my own space. Not her hand it to me. you know? 
To fix our friendship we're suppose to have a venting session once a week. No hold backs. But can I honestly do that? Can I tell her that I hate her for making me look like an idiot, I hate her for making me hate all of the happy memories I have with her, I hate her for making me fall out of love with her and maybe this friendship. Trust. How could she not trust me with the truth? She assumed I would hate her and forget about her. She just made an ass out of herself and yeah. I cant. 
But I made a promise I wouldnt disappear. I wont break that promise... Even if it does kill me.