Saturday, June 18, 2011


Almost got two tickets today... one for having too much people in my car because my friends car broke down and I decided to be nice and pick them up. The other one was when my friend ran out of my car while waiting for a red light, started pulling off his clothes and screaming at the top of his longs "I am ugly and I am proud" the police saw him come out of my car and questioned my sobriety.  I got off with a warning, my friend on the other hand not so much. He wouldnt stop running from the police and yelled "fck the popo".

Yeah, it was a long but funfun night

on the brighter side I saw Green Lantern and it was awesome if you dont think about the comics at all, and I'm going to read before I fall asleep.


Thursday, June 16, 2011


so im suppose to be skating right now...but somehow forgot my board at work... I dont even know how I forgot it. So im just gonna type whatever comes to mind right now since I dont want to kill the fun for my friends. Playing music and watching my friends have fun is something I love doing. Music can set the mood for any moment and right now everyones loving dubstep. I'm also talking to this guy I like and might just have the courage to ask for his number. we shall see.

The thing is though I still have feelings for someone else. We used to talk like crazy. I would skype with her, call her on the phone, text, even email her when I was stuck in class, but now its like none of those past couple of months have ever happened. I told her I liked her and that I'm okay with just being friends, and she was genuinely happy with that...or so she told me. She would text me sometimes and we would keep it going all day, but I think its my pride that wont let me text her unless she texts me first. I want to talk to her, I love talking to her but sometimes I get the feeling shes just using me to kill her boredom. I know other people like her and have a better chance. Im just a filler for when shes bored. that hurts the most.
I miss telling her good morning and she would tell me good night. I miss that one last text message or phone call that put a smile on my face right as Im about to fall asleep. She would always send me a good morning text eventually too and it was just perfect.

I think Im just goint to stay forever alone and watch people be happy from afar. it doesnt hurt as much and life is simple that way.

hahahaha my friend just ate shit right now trying to jump off a railing, I should go help him but I dont want to move and someone else is already helping him lol. im horrible.

Feel Good Drag by Anberlin is a song that I will always love

Midnight part 2

I talked to a few of my friends today and they made me feel a hell of a lot better than I did in my last post. Tonight is officially a full moon and I must say Im loving it. I'm on the country side of the island right now and its nothing but the moon and clear skies. I wish I could see the stars more though, but this will work. I'm really happy to know that I wont lose my friends if I vent to them, I just hope they can do the same to me.

My friend has cancer right now and I try not to go to her to vent anymore, and she realized that and confronted me 20 minutes ago about it. She's watching me type away and just feel better about myself. Her treatments are going well, shes almost done and should be rid of the cancer soon. I hope she gets better soon, I dont want to lose another loved one because of cancer.

I have another friend whos joining the airforce in september and I'm going to miss her like crazy.
Just going to my school, it seems like all the friends I make are in the army, airforce or marines. Im so proud of what theyre doing with their lives, but it just makes me feel so mundane to only be working at small restaurants.

My family... I dont know what to think about them right now. Just going to take it one day at a time and whatever happens, happens.

Wednesday, June 15, 2011


Midnight skating sessions with my friends is something I always look forward to when its a full moon, but this month I dont really feel like skating. I am currently sitting on a bench watching my friends skate, seeing their faces makes everything better. My friends are my rocks and the people I depend on the most, and I hope they feel the same way about me. Tonight though or today I dont know if I want to open up to them, everything just feels perfect. Its summer, Im going to Alaska next week, no school, friends, family, and work is even fun, but the thing is I think too much when Im around them. All I can think about is will they help me and not look at me differently? I lost one of my best friends because I told her I was bisexual, I lost a friend because I told her that her boyfriend was cheating on her, I lost a friend because she decided to listen to the rumors and not the truth that came out of my mouth. I've lost friends when I shouldnt have, Ive lost friends who I still wish I had. None of them know about my blog, sometimes I wish they did so they know whats going through their minds. Im the mother in our group of friends, a mom is suppose to be strong and not have to break down infront of everyone. But if they ask "what's up?" and we're alone. I deff might break down and just let everything come out. I know I can depend on them and I love them for it.
I dont know, i'll probably pick up my apex soon and start skating, it always helps when I have my moods like this. Maybe I'll be more calm and be able to talk to everyone. we'll see

nightnight or morning

Saturday, June 11, 2011

Pissed off

I am so fcking pissed at my grandpa right now. I know my parents might get a divorce, I know my parents don't talk to each other, they don't sleep in the same room, they don't do ANYTHING together. but you know what? they love us and no matter how fcked my mom can be sometimes and my dad I love them too. they fcking love each other they just don't show it. my dad wears his wedding ring all the time, he invites her out of the house and tries. my mom may not do the same, but i think shes just mad at him because he switched jobs. but it doesn't mean she wants to divorce them over it. I get that love fades. I understand that people do get divorces. I understand that maybe down the road my parents will get a divorce. I get that. but my grandpa thinks I don't understand that, he thinks I'm oblivious to everything that is happening around me. fck I cant tell him that my parents love each other I cant yell at him for telling his thoughts about my parents in front of my sisters. They are part of this but what the fck are they gonna do? they shouldn't be involved in it yet. my grandpa just doesn't know shit right now. I can probably talk to him but i have no patience to talk to him. My grandpas deaf and for me to try and argue with him about all of this would just piss me off even more. ffffcckkk
I'm mad right now because my grandpa reminded me of all of this. My parents love my sisters and I enough to stay together and they will deal with each other. For us. I wish my parents would find love, but that would mean a divorce and honestly i don't want our family to break up.
I want my family together. I already lost my grandma and my great grandma in one year. I don't want to lose my family. this is so not cool what so ever.
I'm selfish. I'm pissed. I'm hurting.

Thursday, June 9, 2011


Im reading Bound by Darkness by Alexis Morgan and listening to my Ipod and let me just say my Ipod is just in sync with the book. I just couldn'p but laugh at how ironic it was.
With me and my friends we have a thing. As soon as we're all in the car and ready to go, we grab the drivers ipod put it on shuffle and, whatever song comes on first it will tell us how our adventure will be like. Usually its pretty accurate and makes the adventure even better knowing that someones ipod could predict the future. That is honestly one of the weirdest superstitions that my friends and I have but its okay. Theyre my family and I love them like I love my real family...sometimes hahaha.

its 1234 am right now and lifes pretty good. Working almost everyday so that I can have more shopping money in for Alaska and book money for the fall semester. Getting a lot better on my longboard. One of my cameras is still out of commission but I should be able to pick it up soon :]

anyways I'm going to keep on reading and listening to music until I fall asleep and repeat the same schedule tomorrow. nightnight hope who ever is reading this nonsense is having a great day and enjoying the little things in life.

The songs that were playing by the way were:
Just a dream by Nelly. Just a dream (cover) by Sam Tsui and Christina Grimmie. Just a kiss by Karmin also another cover... hmm looks like my ipod wasnt on shuffle haha


Tuesday, June 7, 2011


There's a big difference between needing something and wanting something.
Example: I always want coffee before work but never really need it.

I want his number, dont really need it I just want it lol

good night

Friday, June 3, 2011

Falling it sucks a lot. I'm trying really hard not to like him, but everyday I talk to him I find something more that I like. bbllaahh. So again in my life I start to fall for someone who doesn't live in the same state and whos in the military and hes haole. *sighs*