Saturday, June 11, 2011

Pissed off

I am so fcking pissed at my grandpa right now. I know my parents might get a divorce, I know my parents don't talk to each other, they don't sleep in the same room, they don't do ANYTHING together. but you know what? they love us and no matter how fcked my mom can be sometimes and my dad I love them too. they fcking love each other they just don't show it. my dad wears his wedding ring all the time, he invites her out of the house and tries. my mom may not do the same, but i think shes just mad at him because he switched jobs. but it doesn't mean she wants to divorce them over it. I get that love fades. I understand that people do get divorces. I understand that maybe down the road my parents will get a divorce. I get that. but my grandpa thinks I don't understand that, he thinks I'm oblivious to everything that is happening around me. fck I cant tell him that my parents love each other I cant yell at him for telling his thoughts about my parents in front of my sisters. They are part of this but what the fck are they gonna do? they shouldn't be involved in it yet. my grandpa just doesn't know shit right now. I can probably talk to him but i have no patience to talk to him. My grandpas deaf and for me to try and argue with him about all of this would just piss me off even more. ffffcckkk
I'm mad right now because my grandpa reminded me of all of this. My parents love my sisters and I enough to stay together and they will deal with each other. For us. I wish my parents would find love, but that would mean a divorce and honestly i don't want our family to break up.
I want my family together. I already lost my grandma and my great grandma in one year. I don't want to lose my family. this is so not cool what so ever.
I'm selfish. I'm pissed. I'm hurting.