Is the day my grandma passed away. thats two days from today. I have family coming over to celebrate her one year anniversary of being gone...but why would anyone want to celebrate the passing of someone... I just want to go to school, get my tattoo and just dissapear for the day. I dont want to see my family and talk about how much we miss my grandma. I told them that, and they got really mad at me. I understand that we should be together on the 27th, but I dont want to be around them. I love my family and I know they love me, so why cant they understand that I just want to be alone for a couple of hours? They dont know im getting my tattoo on thursday, not sure how long I can even hide it from them anyways but who cares. The tattoos gonna remind me that life goes on after my grandma, and that I have to live my life to make her proud of me.
What sucks even more is that I have to write a paper about a person I cared a lot about and how they changed my life, the essays due on thursday too. Life is just telling me to remember my grandma, and remembering this much about her just sucks and makes me want to cry even more. Im trying to do the stupid essay right now at barnes and nobles, but needed a break. So im on here typing out whats going through my head right now. Just a small distraction of the things to come up in the next couple of days.
Tuesday, January 25, 2011
January 27th
Monday, January 17, 2011
Wifi
wifi is very important and I dont have it at home. So im sitting in barnes and nobles trying to do as much homework as I can before my battery dies. which is in about... 3 hours :D gotta love extended battery life =]
Monday, January 10, 2011
blah =P
up and dressed for school. I start at 8 am today....last semester I started at 1. ooh boy. this sucks lol. helping my sisters get ready, and eating breakfast. I actually miss doing this with them =]
hope you have a great day =] cause i hope I do too
Wednesday, January 5, 2011
Saturday, January 1, 2011
Happy New Year
Last night and this morning was perfect. The last year of fireworks in Hawaii and EVERYONE went crazy. you could not go one minute withour hearing fireworks, or seeing something light up in the sky. Ended up buring two of my fingers though, part of my jeans and my shoes. But honestly everyone next year is gonna get their hands on some illegal fireworks so I cant wait to see how much people I know will get tickets for them. Every January first I would go up to this one point to see the sunrise. Its just my spot to go to whenever Im sad and just want to get away. The only other person who Ive ever taken up their with me is my best guy friend and I didnt get to hang out with him this year, but that boy knows me pretty well and called me to keep me company. The sunrise was beauiful as always and I had a great first conversation of the year.
Hope you have a great first day =]
Friday, December 31, 2010
So I think
So I honestly think I have been going out and having too much fun with either my friends, family or me just riding on my skateboard. My knee is officially killing me. I have a knee brace and everything but it still hurts. Its been almost two weeks since I hurt my knee. I couldn't take it easy for the first couple of days it hurt because I had work and volunteer, but since Ive cut back some hours its not really helping me. Running around playing Tag at 3 am at school or playing kickball at 2 am isnt helping at all. Yeah its winter break and I dont want to take it easy, I want to have fun lol. But my knee needs to get better asap. So I think after new years celebrations done I am going to rest my knee, try not to do anything and just relax on my couch or in bed at home. I already have a bad right shoulder, I do not want a bad knee too.
So, my plans are to:
- sleep
- Read any book I can get my hands on
- have a movie night at home so I dont have to go out
- buy a video game and just start tweaking out again
- relax =]
Wednesday, December 29, 2010
Songs 3
Leave me wanting
Tuesday, December 28, 2010
you know
you know i never thought it would be this hard to read a book. the book isnt bad or anything it just connects too much to whats happening in my life right now. I want to be more determined in life, I want to know what the hell im going to do with my life. I just want to know. Maybe you know what youre going to be doing in life, but me I know nothing.People always say to live in the moment and to just enjoy life, my grandma told me those words so hell yea Im gonna listen to her. I enjoy life, I know their are people who love me, who can make me smile, who can make me cry tears of joy. Those people are the reason why I dont want to leave home. "Home is where the heart is" a small line from the book Im reading and I believe it. No matter how much we hate where we grew up or who we grew up with, it made us who we are. Its who we are that people fall in love with. Finding something thats right, our souldmate. I believe in love, I truly do. The greeks taught us about the different types of love we can have for a person(i paid attention in class :] I believe that those who truly deserve love will find love in the most pure form. The love of that one person who makes everything click, the pereson you cant live without, that person just makes everything right. I have friends who can do those things for me. But I havent found that one person who can do it all. I havent done anything in my life, so love shouldnt come knocking on my door anytime soon. I can wait for my one person who does it alll. I wont be blind to love, if it comes knocking on my door im gonna welcome love and keep it close. So you never know when loves gonna come.
Im currently sitting outsife of my house right now at 1046 pm. its a beautiful night, me looking at the stars wonder "what time will tell" The word butterflies came into my head, I used to get butterflies talking to someone I had a crush on. I would smile this goofy grin whenever I had the chance to talk to that person. It was just fun to talk. For a second I wished it would go somewhere, you know be something more thean just friends. But it was a stupid wish to make, I knew it wouldnt go anywhere, but that stupid thought left my head as soon as we talked more. I was a sucker for a hello, that hello that would bring the butterflies to my stomach and that goofy grin to my face. You know what happens next right? I lost contact with that person, we just stopped talking. there were probably a million things i could have done, things i should have done. But if i even tried to do anything I knew i would get hurt in the end. You know what Im thinking though? Im a dumbass. I saved myself from the heartache but I lost a friend. I lost a Platontic liove I had with someone. Losing a friend that makes you smile like that, just sucks. I get how a friend feels now, I know that sounds pretty dicks but yeah. I get the pain, and hate it. I wish I could rewind time and give them better advice. cause the bullshit that came out of my mouth to make them feel better isnt doing shit for me right now.
You know that one friend you have that gives you the most perfect advice that makes you feel better? it will never be me, Im just a friend who will hug you when you need it, will just sit there in the silence when you need it, just a shoulder to lean on. But to give advice that will give someone hope, that for sure is never gonna be me.
all this rambling from reading a couple of my book, this book is just one of those books that hit too close to him. It makes you think about what you dont want to think about and you for some reason love it for that very reason. It makes you remember the good and the bad, remember your living in the present and makes you wonder about your future. I never know whats gonna happen in my future no one really knows. we just have to fall into the darkness and wait for the hands of faith to drop us off where we're suppose to be. Just fall and life will pick you right back up, giving you reasons to live.
At the end of every post なんくるないさ comes into my head. maybe its because deep down I know everything will be alright and that whatever happens, just happens.
