Friday, October 14, 2011

Another night

It's another night where I remember the people who I dont have in my life anymore. Monday was my grandmas birthday and I'm going to get her name tattooed on my so that I remember who raised me and how she raised me. I keep forgetting that lately. I miss her cooking dinner for us, I miss helping her cook, and I hate cooking by myself. My sisters dont understand that when I ask them to help me cook its not because I'm lazy but because it's how my grandma and I used to cook. I don't have the heart to tell them that though. I dont really know how much my sisters miss my grandma, I know they do but I dont think its like me. I miss her.
Then there's Jake. He's done with his air force training and tech school and may or may not get deployed. I can say I dont love him like I did before but I do miss him and he is my best friend.
I hate to admit it but all of my best friends who are girls arent around me anymore. theyre always a phone call away which is okay but I miss them being with me when I go to diamond head to watch the sunrise, I miss miki staying at my house to hang out with me and watch cable, I miss Meiqi and all of the stupid shenanigans we had, I miss Lexi, and I'm going to miss Sasha when she goes to Texas for boot camp. I still have my best guy friends around but I dont get to talk about boys, or clothes, or stupid girl drama with them. I know they try especially when some of them ask me if I want to go shopping lol. They know I'm missing my other friends and thats why I love them.
I'm happy in life with all these ups and downs I've been having recently because everything does balance out for me.

nankurunaisa is around the right side of my ankle and the left side will have the words "Elizabeth Mikiyo Shinagawa October 17, 1932- January 27. 2010"  Reminding me everyday when I get out of bed that my grandmas the one who helped shaped the person who I am today and one day I will make her proud of me.

Then there is this one person who I still think about, and I hate that I cant talk to her anymore. The song Obsessed with the Stars by the Icarus Account is playing right now and it really makes me think. Do you ever think about me? Youre not here and you make my mind go crazy. Thinking of that person brings a smile to my face, and a frown sometimes. I know shes happy in life right now and I'm happy for her. If I cant make her happy then I hope someone else can. blah Idk what i'm writing or thinking anymore.

nightnight everyone and remember have faith in yourself and whatever happens, happens.