fck it already I give up. Im just gonna go live under a rock and never worry about relationships and love

Friday

So for the next two weeks i work every single day of the week and my shifts range from 4-8 hours of fun :] I am going to love my next paycheck, but its going straight towards textbooks for school :/

BBUUTT next Friday we are combining three of my guy friends birthdays and gonna play airsoft in the morning from 7-2, then going to the beach until sunset, then watching a movie and then having a party at someones house. I cannot wait til next friday. I really hope I can get that one friday off... if not i might just not show up for work and deal with the consequences the next day... haha

My friend just finished her chemo therapy sessions yesterday and we're throwing a party for her tonight. I am so happy for her and hope she stays healthy.

hope everyones having a great day and or night

nightnight from hawaii

I miss

I got to see my best friend tonight with out her boyfriend and honestly I feel a lot better. We talked about random things, serious things, and things i never talk about unless its with her. I had no idea how much i missed her until i dropped her off at her house a little while ago. I miss my best friend. the text messages. skype and phone calls are awesome but just hanging out with them in person makes everything a lot better.

I got flowers for my grandma today. I started to cry a little waiting in line to buy them but im fine. I miss her like crazy but I know she would want me to be happy and live my life smiling.

Today was a good day all in all. my shoulders not in as much pain as before. my ankle isnt swollen anymore and all of my cuts are semi scabby right now... its kind of and yeah hahaha come tuesday I should be able to have a midnight skate session with the guys. The moon is always so bright in the summer and I just love it :]

nightnight

pain. pain and more pain

so i sprained my ankle, got a bunch of scratches here and there and my shoulder popped out and is now in a sling for a couple of days. I am in pain right now.... but it was all worth the skate session last night. Had to take off work for a couple of days and I have to buy a new helmet cause mine fell off a cliff.. hahaha wow my moms gonna kill me when she gets home and sees me....

Hate

I hate my best friends boyfriend... I dont care how much she loves him. He wasnt there at the hospital when he needed her, he wasnt there when her parents kicked her out for the day, he wasnt there when she started to cry. Hes the one making her cry and hes the one I hate the most at the moment.

everyone in our group of friends hates this guy, but none of us will be able to do anything because our friend is too hard headed to listen to any of us. We said we would tolerate him as long as the relationship doesnt become abusive...and it has. I'm just the only one who know at the moment...I think.

Thinking

*random thought moments*

For the past week Ive been awake 20 out of the 24 hours of the day since Alaska never really got dark, and I always had something to do. I got home half an hour ago ready to go out and do something, but honestly I just wanted some me time and came here to my usual park. I miss being here just venting on my laptop. I hated that I couldnt see any stars in Alaska, it was beautiful there but it would have been a lot better if I could have seen the stars.
Anyways whats stuck in my mind right now is that I'm not really doing anything great with my life at the moment. Two of my best friends are in the air force right now, another is living his dream by playing video games for a living, and my other friends are content with what they have now. I want to make a difference and make myself proud. I know what I want to do in life, but school comes first. blah idk what im writing anymore
I will make my grandma proud, its the only thing i want in life.

hahaha another thing I realized today is that I dont have a crush on anyone and im happy about it, but I do miss being in a relationship.
yeah today is just one of those days where anything and everything comes to mind.

nightnight

Home

It feels so good to be home from Alaska. I had such an amazing time! 24 hours of sunlight, spending at least 22 of those hours doing something with  friends, family, random people on the streets and just enjoying some me time. I wish I could have used my own phone to talk to everyone back home, but T-Mobile for some reason doesnt work in Alaska.

It is 84 degrees here in Hawaii and back it Alaska it was like 50 degrees...Im dying at home right now :/

What kind of sucked for me on the trip the whole time though was not telling my family I was bi. My cousins know and my sister but my aunties and uncles dont know anything about it. They would make rude jokes and look at people with hate in their eyes whenever they saw two gay guys holding their hands down the street. It hurt a lot not telling them and it made me feel like a coward. I'm not sure if i'll ever tell them. On the brighter side though my cousin knew it was bugging me half the time and decided to take me to a bar and just play pool or dance with a couple of guys or girls and just have fun. Like a vacation is suppose to be.

This trip was just amazing for me and I could spend hours upon hours writing about it, but I wont.

hope everyones having a great fourth of July :]