Sunday, December 27, 2009

Another venting moment

So about an hour ago i swear everyone was fcking yelling at me that i dont care about the people in this house anymore, or I just dont appreciate what I have. Now usually when im in this kind of situation i just shut up and suck it up, but tonight i just exploded. If your a follower and have read my stuff before you know i complain like a pro, all i do is nag and nag. honestly..lately thats all ive been getting from my mom and my family or ive been doing it back. I just dont give a shit anymore for what happens to three certain people in my family, anyone want to guess who they are?... hey you got that right. I dont give a shit to what happens to my mom or my two younger sisters at this moment, they are out of my mind. Why try to get a parents respect when they dont give it to you, why try to act like a good teacher when your students arent even looking or plan on looking. Why try you know? Im just gonna focus on the people who i know need me and at least give me respect that i have gained or earned.

My grandmas not gettting better everyone. I dont know what to do. I never have and probably never will. When I look at her, my heart breaks to see the person i love more in the world so sick. My grandma has to take her medication every four hours, im not really sure what happens if she misses a time and i dont want to find out. So if you see me in person, i look like shit. Im there everytime my grandma has to take her medicine, im there when she needs me. Im just praying that with me being there its making it easier on her.

Next month my relatives are moving in. There is room in the house for them, and the reason their coming here is to help my grandma. How can I complain about that? But here I am writing. Its hard enough with seven people in the house but now its going to be ten. Oh the joy of having to clean the house more as punishment my mother gives me, Oh the joy of them having to endure more of my moms shit about how much she hates me and her life. Just Oh the joy.

So after my explosion on my family, i grabbed my laptop, cell phone and my wallet and am now sitting under a tree at the park up the street from my house. knowing my family they just think im next door and will be home later on. Dont worry about me I always go home, not because I have no where else to go. I go home to take care of my grandma, I go home so that I can be strong for my grandma, I go home because...well.. home is just home.