There's a girl. I like her. Or I'm infatuated with her.
I dont know.
It feels good to like someone again, knowing that I don't think of sasha all the time.
Sunday, April 14, 2013
There's a girl. I like her. Or I'm infatuated with her.
Posted by Kira324 at 10:29 PM
Saturday, December 29, 2012
Her happy place? Is the drive I take home every time I pick her up from work. Her happy place is the route my dad used to drive me around to cheer me up or make me fall asleep at night. Her happy place is one of my happy places.
Posted by Kira324 at 11:52 AM
Wednesday, November 21, 2012
"You still love her don't you?" I ask myself that question every single day.
Posted by Kira324 at 2:22 AM
Thursday, October 25, 2012
I don't mean anything to her, but she still means something to me?
I know I don't love Sasha anymore, but I did love whatever friendship we did have. For a month I had the girl I loved and my best friend living with me. She didn't know anything about how I felt but I felt like the happiest girl in the world. Sure I was confused as fuck how I felt about this girl but I did chose the friendship before she did reject me. It's just hard to remember that since she betrayed me as the person I called my best friend.
We honestly didn't have the best friendship in the world. We didn't trust each other to keep ourselves from falling apart. I didn't tell her anything because she had her own issues to worry about and I wanted her to get over those issues. Sasha did the same for me. Maybe if we had trusted each other more we wouldn't be in the situation we are now?
Not loving someone is the easy part of life, getting over the loss of a relationship is the hardest part.
maybe this would be easier if Sasha would move out of my house...
Posted by Kira324 at 3:43 AM
Saturday, September 29, 2012
FUCK! i've written three different sentences before this one and I can't find out how to start this.
Posted by Kira324 at 4:45 AM
Friday, September 28, 2012
I woke up from my nap. crying. I looked at the bed next to mine and wondered if things would ever be the same. Everything I do lately reminds me of her.
I cant drive in the car without thinking "when is the next time we're going to drive around the island?" I miss those nights when she drove me around, I drove her around and we just had each others company. It was one of those things I loved about our friendship. But you know what changed that? She invited Andrew to come with us one night. I fucking hated every moment of it. Driving around the island was our thing, or at least to me it was... I know they've gone around the island together and it just hurts knowing that. What I once held special to my heart is being ripped away.
I saw this random couple being cute together today at school and then the guy hugged his girl from behind. I wanted to cry. I miss doing that with Sasha. I used to hold her from behind at any moment and now? I'm trying to hold myself from falling apart.
Just every little thing is getting to me.
The songs I have, the places I go to, the food I eat and the memories I have. It all hurts.
I want another rejection. I want her to tell me to get the fuck out of her life and I will... the thing though... If she tells me to stay... I will.
Not because I'm wrapped around her finger like some people have been saying, but because I valued the little things that made up our friendship. I miss her as my friend. I miss her.
Posted by Kira324 at 1:03 AM
Tuesday, September 25, 2012
"Is she really your best friend or the girl that you've loved for the past three years?"
I honestly couldn't answer this question. I couldnt answer the question why I loved her as a person and why she was my best friend.
When I got home all I could think about the memories that we shared together and honestly? It's more of the person I've loved for the past three years rather than my best friend.
what moment made her my best friend? It was the day my grandma had passed away. She was there to comfort me even though we had just met a couple months before. Just that one moment has made me stay her friend over all these years.
I've been through so much drama because of her and I have even lost some friends. At the time she was worth it, it was just a no brainer for me. This girl was my best friend and I was in love with her.
I loved the way she would hold me from behind, and I loved doing the same for her. I love how we act like creepers together. I loved that she understood that driving around or being driven around makes me feel better. I love the way we eat at RaiRai's. I love how cute she can be, her weirdness and her sense of humor.
I guess most of what I just listed were things as a lover and not a best friend. I have never not liked this girl. She has always been in the back of my mind in all of my relationships over the years. Heck I fucked up a relationship because I still had feelings for her.
Ive never gotten to know her as a friend I guess?
I have the hardest time telling her how I sometimes. I want to ask her "What do I mean to you" that's all I want to know.
I do still lover her but I will move on and forget about her. What she did to me as a lover I will never forgive her for.
As a best friend? as the girl who was there for me when the most important person in my life passed away? I should drop her out of my life.
Its just fucking hard. Having her there every day of my life to not being around at all? its like a piece of myself is going to be missing.
My family calls her my other half and its true. We've always been together and now we're not. Soon they're going to ask what happened and I will say shes not my best friend anymore.
She's not the girl I should love and she lost me as her best friend...
I've come to that conclusion but will I keep it? probably not.
I know in the back of my mind that when she does fall I will be there to pick her up.
The past me will show up, pick her up and leave.
Posted by Kira324 at 1:25 PM
Monday, September 24, 2012
I honestly do miss her, but more than anything I miss my old group of friends. I miss how close we all used to be. I miss seeing all of them everyday and us not doing anything.
I miss them playing magic while I did homework. They made me feel safe and not alone. They arent the best of friends but they were there.
I know that she is partially the reason why we all dont hang out together anymore. I know everything that shes done, I've been through everything shes done and I should have walked away a long time ago.
She doesnt care if I disappear. She doesn't care that I'm hurting so much. She doesn't trust me.
I care if I disappear. I dont want to hurt this much. I dont trust her anymore?
I still love her.
what annoys me the most. Is that I fucking trust her with everything, but I dont tell her how I felt because I know shes going through worse shit than I am. I would always be there for her but I never wanted her to be there for me because I felt that she couldnt handle it. I want her to get better and not have to worry about me. I always tried to put her first.
When I was with Kelsie I couldnt stop thinking about Sasha. It wasnt fair to Kelsie. So i broke my relationship with Sasha and you know what? she didnt care. She didnt try to ask what was wrong. She just let things disappear. This whole thing was always a one way thing wasnt it? I called her one of my best friends, but did she ever do the same for me? Probably not.
I know in my heart what she means to me. I want her to be my friend, I want her to be a legit best friend and I want people to KNOW that we are each others best friend.
I want her to fight for me. I want her to realize what shes missing. I want her to reach rock bottom and realize that I will be there to fucking pick her back up. I wont kick her when shes down. I wont judge. I'll do what I usually do.
I'll be there.
She knows everything about me. If she needs me she knows where to find me.
I wont do the fighting anymore. I am a person who knows what shes worth. If she cant see it then fuck it.
Posted by Kira324 at 3:14 AM