How do you give advice to someone who's almost in the same situation as you were, and had the worst ending possible? Finding out that your loved one has cancer. Doctors saying they have high hopes that the surgery will take care of everything... Doctors are the reincarnation of the Demon of Hope. Hope just fucks everything up sometimes. I had hope my grandma would get better and get rid of her cancer. Hope let me feel a moment of peace but threw me into the fire yet again. Cancer is a demon that is in love with hope and follows it around like a love sick puppy.

Knowing that other people are in the same situation as I am, just sucks. I have no advice to give them. I dont want to give them hope, when they need it the most because when it disappears its the worst feeling in the world. 

Random Thought

What did I just do? I'm going to regret and everything I just said. I hope speaking my mind won't destroy our friendship or whatever it is that we have.

I'm writing a paper about my grandma and I'm trying really hard not to cry in class. I thought this would be easy but its killing me. I want to make this an amazing paper but I don't want anyone to peer review my paper.

*sighs*

Cancer

My uncle passed away yesterday and it was a shock to us all. We had just saw him the past Sunday and he was smiling and laughing with the rest of us, and it was his 25th wedding anniversary. I'm going to miss him like crazy and I know my cousins will too, Ann is only in the 5th grade and Brandon is a Senior in High School. It hurts losing a loved one, but what hurt more this time was that it was similar to my grandmas death. Both passing away from cancer, not being able to see us graduate, not having enough time with us. I just feel numb right now.

I missed my chance to say good bye again to a loved one and this time it was my uncle.

Proud?

My teacher apparently loves one of the essays I wrote in class and wants me to get it published, but I don't think I could. It's about my grandma and how I was weak for not being there for her and with her. I can't even imagine anyone else reading this paper.

maybe? I don't know...

feelings

I fucking like you, I wish I was with you.

I am okay with school at the moment.

Work is okay, making money is always a good thing

I love being at home

Jake is doing great in the airforce

I.like.you.fuck.this.distance.fuck.my.emotions.that.are.making.me.feel.this.way.

pointless

Full time student, two jobs, friend, big sister and just me. I am dead fucking tired lately, I have one day off the entire week but only from work. I have school from 7:45 am to 3 pm. It's not as bad as it sounds I have gaps where I can hang out with friends, go off campus and eat or just go home take a nap then come back. My grades are surprisingly doing okay this semester even with all the shenanigans plus the amount of hours I work. I think I've finally learned to stop procrastinating in life because I appreciate the sleep I can get and the friend/family time I get.