Random Thought

What did I just do? I'm going to regret and everything I just said. I hope speaking my mind won't destroy our friendship or whatever it is that we have.

I'm writing a paper about my grandma and I'm trying really hard not to cry in class. I thought this would be easy but its killing me. I want to make this an amazing paper but I don't want anyone to peer review my paper.

*sighs*

Cancer

My uncle passed away yesterday and it was a shock to us all. We had just saw him the past Sunday and he was smiling and laughing with the rest of us, and it was his 25th wedding anniversary. I'm going to miss him like crazy and I know my cousins will too, Ann is only in the 5th grade and Brandon is a Senior in High School. It hurts losing a loved one, but what hurt more this time was that it was similar to my grandmas death. Both passing away from cancer, not being able to see us graduate, not having enough time with us. I just feel numb right now.

I missed my chance to say good bye again to a loved one and this time it was my uncle.

Proud?

My teacher apparently loves one of the essays I wrote in class and wants me to get it published, but I don't think I could. It's about my grandma and how I was weak for not being there for her and with her. I can't even imagine anyone else reading this paper.

maybe? I don't know...

feelings

I fucking like you, I wish I was with you.

I am okay with school at the moment.

Work is okay, making money is always a good thing

I love being at home

Jake is doing great in the airforce

I.like.you.fuck.this.distance.fuck.my.emotions.that.are.making.me.feel.this.way.

pointless

Full time student, two jobs, friend, big sister and just me. I am dead fucking tired lately, I have one day off the entire week but only from work. I have school from 7:45 am to 3 pm. It's not as bad as it sounds I have gaps where I can hang out with friends, go off campus and eat or just go home take a nap then come back. My grades are surprisingly doing okay this semester even with all the shenanigans plus the amount of hours I work. I think I've finally learned to stop procrastinating in life because I appreciate the sleep I can get and the friend/family time I get.

Mood Is killed

So I just got home from Kauai, drove through traffic, got a call from my old job saying I could have my job back and I start Monday. I unpack and was ready for a nap, as I was about to take a nap my mom wants to tell me what my sister did. I already know she's gonna start talking shit about her and of course she does. She told me how my sister loves to lie to her and she honestly does and I hate whenever she does this shit to me. I dont give a fuck if my sister has a boy friend at this age. I've met him, I've given my sister the sex talk. There honestly isnt much that I can do. I'm not going to tell her not to have a boyfriend, cause shes shes going to go behind my back and do it. I've done it so I know. My mom was a teenager before so she should know all of this crap. So why does she act like this? why does she make rules that she knows arent going to work? Why couldnt she wait til after my nap? or after my amazing fcking mood of coming home? Just fucking great