Another venting moment

So about an hour ago i swear everyone was fcking yelling at me that i dont care about the people in this house anymore, or I just dont appreciate what I have. Now usually when im in this kind of situation i just shut up and suck it up, but tonight i just exploded. If your a follower and have read my stuff before you know i complain like a pro, all i do is nag and nag. honestly..lately thats all ive been getting from my mom and my family or ive been doing it back. I just dont give a shit anymore for what happens to three certain people in my family, anyone want to guess who they are?... hey you got that right. I dont give a shit to what happens to my mom or my two younger sisters at this moment, they are out of my mind. Why try to get a parents respect when they dont give it to you, why try to act like a good teacher when your students arent even looking or plan on looking. Why try you know? Im just gonna focus on the people who i know need me and at least give me respect that i have gained or earned.

My grandmas not gettting better everyone. I dont know what to do. I never have and probably never will. When I look at her, my heart breaks to see the person i love more in the world so sick. My grandma has to take her medication every four hours, im not really sure what happens if she misses a time and i dont want to find out. So if you see me in person, i look like shit. Im there everytime my grandma has to take her medicine, im there when she needs me. Im just praying that with me being there its making it easier on her.

Next month my relatives are moving in. There is room in the house for them, and the reason their coming here is to help my grandma. How can I complain about that? But here I am writing. Its hard enough with seven people in the house but now its going to be ten. Oh the joy of having to clean the house more as punishment my mother gives me, Oh the joy of them having to endure more of my moms shit about how much she hates me and her life. Just Oh the joy.

So after my explosion on my family, i grabbed my laptop, cell phone and my wallet and am now sitting under a tree at the park up the street from my house. knowing my family they just think im next door and will be home later on. Dont worry about me I always go home, not because I have no where else to go. I go home to take care of my grandma, I go home so that I can be strong for my grandma, I go home because...well.. home is just home.

Avatar

So many of you may have heard by now that Avatar is an Awesome movie!!! If you've seen it you know what I mean, if you have seen it and don't know what i mean...then there must be something wrong with you. xP. jkjk. I love this movie because it has everything i love with a movie and a book. Action and Romance. If those two things are in a book/movie, then I am instantly hooked for life. The graphics were amazing, all the technology in the movie is something that any person would want. The characters were unforgettable, the colors, the ideas, just everything was unforgettable!! I could rant on an on about how much i love this movie or maybe I already am. but yea go and watch the movie and make sure you bring a jacket...it was a 2 hour and 40 min movie and I went into the theaters with nothing but T-shirts and Jeans. I love this movie and hopefully you will to =].

behind

I'm so behind on everything and everything. my grades for school are Ok but they could be a lot better if i actually did the classwork and homework. Ive been grounded for a month so I've been going out with my friends, running, talking on the computer like 24/7 and just not staying at home. As of right now I haven't read a book in two weeks I just noticed that and it surprised the shit out of me. lol. I have soo much to be read books everywhere in my room. I have Demon King unread, Covet unread, Deadly little Lies unread, Demons kiss half way through with that and another series that my best friend bought for me since i was sad that I still have not yet read. So this weekend or when the school semester ends I plan to at least read a chapter or entire book.

got $40 gift card for Borders. =]

So for the past three weeks my economics has been working on an urban development project, and this project was stressful and fun at the same time. We had to build our own city, making sure the houses are affordable or at market rate and a whole bunch of other shit. Im just soo glad its over, well anyways at the end of the three weeks we had to present our final plan for our city to a group of proffesionals. It was so scary to share in front of them that one of my group members hands were shaking and he stuttered a lot during his part of the presentation. The day before we presented we spent like 6 hours at my house typing out everything, coloring the pictures, and just practicing what we're going to say. We ordered A LOT of pizza too. xD.

Heres a pic of my group members:

Bryson: the one who freaked during the presentation, Kristene, Jon, Janelle: the one who saved bryson. Christina and then me.

Heres a picture of what we built: my hands are in the picture.So the yellow legos are houses, the green parts are parks, blue are offices, red is business retail stores, and black are parking lots.

Street level view:

So even though our group did OK for presentations we somehow won, against our classmates. Which suprised all of us. The winning team members each got a $20 gift card to borders, and my partner bryson doesnt like to read so he gave me his card for free!! So now i have a $40 gift card to borders!!! I cant wait to go shopping!! Im so behind on my reading

right here and right now

right here and right now....my life sucks. I use the term "FML" a lot but this past week has been a real FML kind of moment. I decide to tell my mom about my boyfriend and she completely blows up on me. You think a mother would be happy for their daughter, but she was full on pissed off at me. She even started crying, she thought i was a slut and would get pregnant just from hugging him. My mother thinks I have no self control. no sense of responsibility, and no brain in general. If i had to describe my mom in a few short words or a word it would be asshole. People are telling me that my mom is just looking out for me and wants best for me, but right now i think that's a load of BS. My sisters in the 7Th grade and she told my mom the same exact time as me that she has a bf too, and you know what happened to her? NOTHING! not even a stern warning to watch out for guys cause they can be guys.

My mom still doesn't approve of my friends also, she thinks they are all bad influences on me. She doesn't even know my friends and whenever she says she does i just blow up on her. the only time my mom has met my friends is when she offers to give them a ride home, or she says hi to them. that's it. shes never had a meaningful conversation with my friends and i don't want her too. I know who my friends are, and she will not tell me who i can and cant hang out with. If you've met my friends, they are the best friends a person can ask for. None of us are the same, we are all different but for some reason i think we complete each other =]

My mom isn't the only problem in my life right now. I guess if you know me you would know that my grandma is the most important person to me in my house and she has always been more of a mom to me then my real mother ever has. In the past two months my grandma has been getting worse and worse. I don't know whats going on with her, i know her cancer is gone, but that left a heavy toll on her body. Sometimes i try to avoid her so that i cant remember that at any time she might leave me with a mother who never wanted me in the first place. I think it was two weeks ago, my grandma decided to hire some nurses to help take care of her from time to time. So they thought of everything and anything that we never would have thought of. they were able to get my grandma an oxygen machine, medicine to make the pain easier and just someone to keep her company when most of us aren't home. I love my grandma with all my heart and never want to lose her, but i know i will sooner or later...I'm just praying its later.

I forgot to mention that I'm grounded right now, probably for another month...My mom told me I'm grounded because i don't tell her everything and anything that's going on in my life. that is the most messed up answer Ive heard. So for the next month i basically have no social life whatsoever. No cell phone, no laptop, no going out, and my friends cant come over. On the brighter side my friend is lending me a phone that i can borrow, and i don't have to break up with my bf. Who is a really great guy for waiting this all out with me =]

Sometimes I wonder what my life would be like if i had a different mom. My mom drinks and from time to time she smokes. She expects me to give her respect and trust when she doesn't respect or trust me. I strongly believe that to get respect you must first give respect and earn it to keep it. Same thing goes with trust. My dad taught me that...and i know my mom still hasn't learned that with her time in life. My mom has even blamed me for everything that's happened in her life, she blames me for being born, she blames me for all the stress in her life and she blames me just for being me. After reading that you do have to wonder what my life would be like if i had a different mom.

This whole post is just for me to vent, and right now its helping a lot. Now that i think about what i wrote i sound like a brat, i know there are people out there in world who are either going through the same things as me or have it worse. I know all that from fact, but is it so wrong for me to want to just vent and complain about my life? you tell me.

I do know that life is worth enduring because with all the shit that's happening around you, there are always people who are going to be there for you no matter what you do in life. Some of my family members are always supporting me in what i do, my boyfriend is understanding and listens to everything that i have to say, and i have my friends who are always there for me. So right here and right now, all i have to do is endure life and remember that there are people in my life who trully care for me.

No school Fridays

So today is the first day out of 17 days when all the public schools in hawaii have no school on Friday. As you know we are all living in a time where the economy is falling and doesnt look like its going to rise. Well a lot of the federal and state departments here are trying to budget the money, and to do so they have decided to either cut the hours of the workers, or fire workers. For the schools in Hawaii the teachers have accepted 17 days where they cant work, just to save money. It sucks for the teachers, maybe for the kids who are taking advanced placement classes, and for those who want to go to an out of state college but for me its another where i can have free time to do whatever i want. So on these 17 free days, I am going to sleep, read, go to the beach, go running, hang out with my friends, im going to be doing everything and anything. Well maybe I'll do some homework on one of those days.

Books read in september

This is kind of late but Ive been having too much fun since my one week fall break started.=]
So last month I read:

1. Fade
2. Leaving Paradise
3. Darkest Whisper
4. Two way street
5. Hush Hush
6. Catching Fire
7. Shiver
8. Blood Promise
9. Intertiwned
10. Claymore
11. Grendel(for school)

I think thats all of it..

not learning anything...but having a shit load of fun!!!

English was never my favorite class in the world, and now probably never will be. But i get to talk to a lot of my friends in that class and make jokes behind the teachers back, text other people in other classes or maybe even the person right next to me. =]
So one day my friend made a somewhat poem for me and it made me laugh like crazy, and my teacher gave me the most retarted look(even though her face is already like that....)

Shannon Shannon is a tree
How will you get down to me
Youve been up there since three
Do you not have to pee?

Shannon Shannon please come down
There are weirdos all around
They found something in the ground
Theyd love to show you what they found

Shannon Shannon in a tree
Where in the world may you be
Oh wait now I see
you are in the cemetery!

Shannon Shannon oh my dear
There is something you should hear
Theres a hobo offering you some beer
Just thought Id let you know my dear

Shannon Shannon did you know
That out of your tree down below
Is a present with a bow
What is it I dont know

Shannon Shannon will you please
Open your present just for me
There is a suprise you see
A box and a bottle filled with pee!

Thats her poem!!! =]