Kira's Book Paradise

Proud?

2012-02-01T22:14:00.000-08:00

My teacher apparently loves one of the essays I wrote in class and wants me to get it published, but I don't think I could. It's about my grandma and how I was weak for not being there for her and with her. I can't even imagine anyone else reading this paper.

maybe? I don't know...

feelings

2012-01-10T00:45:00.000-08:00

I fucking like you, I wish I was with you.

I am okay with school at the moment.

Work is okay, making money is always a good thing

I love being at home

Jake is doing great in the airforce

I.like.you.fuck.this.distance.fuck.my.emotions.that.are.making.me.feel.this.way.

pointless

2011-11-28T00:52:00.000-08:00

Full time student, two jobs, friend, big sister and just me. I am dead fucking tired lately, I have one day off the entire week but only from work. I have school from 7:45 am to 3 pm. It's not as bad as it sounds I have gaps where I can hang out with friends, go off campus and eat or just go home take a nap then come back. My grades are surprisingly doing okay this semester even with all the shenanigans plus the amount of hours I work. I think I've finally learned to stop procrastinating in life because I appreciate the sleep I can get and the friend/family time I get.

Mood Is killed

2011-10-29T20:27:00.000-07:00

So I just got home from Kauai, drove through traffic, got a call from my old job saying I could have my job back and I start Monday. I unpack and was ready for a nap, as I was about to take a nap my mom wants to tell me what my sister did. I already know she's gonna start talking shit about her and of course she does. She told me how my sister loves to lie to her and she honestly does and I hate whenever she does this shit to me. I dont give a fuck if my sister has a boy friend at this age. I've met him, I've given my sister the sex talk. There honestly isnt much that I can do. I'm not going to tell her not to have a boyfriend, cause shes shes going to go behind my back and do it. I've done it so I know. My mom was a teenager before so she should know all of this crap. So why does she act like this? why does she make rules that she knows arent going to work? Why couldnt she wait til after my nap? or after my amazing fcking mood of coming home? Just fucking great

vent

2011-10-17T23:51:00.000-07:00

Moms a fucking idiot and I’m a fucking idiot too. I know that but she doesn’t. Today is the anniversary of my grandma’s birthday and also my best friends birthday. Tomorrow I have two midterms, work, and have to study for a business quiz. I was at school until 6:30 pm working on a project and studying for one of my midterms. My mom knew that and she still gets mad at me for skipping dinner. My family wouldn’t wait til after 6:30 so that I can eat dinner with them, and how did i know they didnt wait? My sister called me from her friends house saying that everyones mad at you for not coming home for dinner. I know I probably should have left earlier but fuck that. I need to do great on these midterms or I’ll never raise my gpa, if I didn’t go I would be missing 80 points for my project because my group members wouldn’t put my name if I didnt help today. I didn’t want to spend my grandma’s birthday waiting to have an awkward dinner with the family. I didn’t want to be sad around the house. I didnt want my family mad at me but whatevers. Its their choice to be mad and I dont give a fuck.

Nankurunaisa. whatever happens, happens and everything will be alright.

it happened and it will be alright

Another night

2011-10-14T02:23:00.000-07:00

It's another night where I remember the people who I dont have in my life anymore. Monday was my grandmas birthday and I'm going to get her name tattooed on my so that I remember who raised me and how she raised me. I keep forgetting that lately. I miss her cooking dinner for us, I miss helping her cook, and I hate cooking by myself. My sisters dont understand that when I ask them to help me cook its not because I'm lazy but because it's how my grandma and I used to cook. I don't have the heart to tell them that though. I dont really know how much my sisters miss my grandma, I know they do but I dont think its like me. I miss her.
Then there's Jake. He's done with his air force training and tech school and may or may not get deployed. I can say I dont love him like I did before but I do miss him and he is my best friend.
I hate to admit it but all of my best friends who are girls arent around me anymore. theyre always a phone call away which is okay but I miss them being with me when I go to diamond head to watch the sunrise, I miss miki staying at my house to hang out with me and watch cable, I miss Meiqi and all of the stupid shenanigans we had, I miss Lexi, and I'm going to miss Sasha when she goes to Texas for boot camp. I still have my best guy friends around but I dont get to talk about boys, or clothes, or stupid girl drama with them. I know they try especially when some of them ask me if I want to go shopping lol. They know I'm missing my other friends and thats why I love them.
I'm happy in life with all these ups and downs I've been having recently because everything does balance out for me.

nankurunaisa is around the right side of my ankle and the left side will have the words "Elizabeth Mikiyo Shinagawa October 17, 1932- January 27. 2010" Reminding me everyday when I get out of bed that my grandmas the one who helped shaped the person who I am today and one day I will make her proud of me.

Then there is this one person who I still think about, and I hate that I cant talk to her anymore. The song Obsessed with the Stars by the Icarus Account is playing right now and it really makes me think. Do you ever think about me? Youre not here and you make my mind go crazy. Thinking of that person brings a smile to my face, and a frown sometimes. I know shes happy in life right now and I'm happy for her. If I cant make her happy then I hope someone else can. blah Idk what i'm writing or thinking anymore.

nightnight everyone and remember have faith in yourself and whatever happens, happens.

listens

2011-10-05T23:52:00.000-07:00

Todays been a weird day... My friend is moving to New York tomorrow, my other friend got accepted to study abroad in London, another is leaving in March ish for basic training, and I officially say I lost one of my best friends. Talking to my friend Kris made me realize she's not really my best friend anymore. I don't get to talk to her anymore because she let's her boyfriend be a control freak, shes not there when I need her and she would abuse our friendship. It sucks. My friend Marcus literally makes a living by playing video games so hes moving to the mainland for better wifi connection, hes moving in with one of his co worker hes never met and i dont know anymore. None of my friends are normal at the moment and Ive been listening and giving advice but they never listen. I need another break from life right fucking now

Hollywood Undead

2011-09-30T23:44:00.001-07:00

Coming Back Down"
(feat. Kevin Rudolf)

[DANNY]
I just can't escape
it's like you're here with me now
but the words you say
they always seem to fade out
since you been away
I'm just a face in the crowd
someday, someday
I know you're coming back

[JDOG]
down in the dirt
with your blood on my hands
I blacked out
but now I do understand
that you were too good
for this world so you left it
everything turned red
and then you made an exit
I don't even know
if it was your time
but like all good things
that pass you by
its like a lost soul
in the time of need
it made me grow up fast
and put some blood on my knees
and you don't even know
what's beyond you
thinking you could never die
like you're bullet proof
so I guess you had to leave
you were born with wings
but you were never happy
til the angels sing

[DANNY]
I just can't escape
it's like you're here with me now
but the words you say
they always seem to fade out
since you been away
I'm just a face in the crowd
someday, someday
I know you're coming back down
someday, someday
I know you're coming back down

[JOHNNY 3 TEARS]
I'm ashes to ashes
I'm dust to dust
And when a man
turns to ashes
forget about love
like the feeling inside you
with the bottle beside you
you both end up empty
like an angel just died too
I look to the heavens
to the sky and the rest
I looked inside myself
I felt my heart in my chest
Something so point blue
there's nothing to say
some hearts to stay true
when falling away
Come lay down beside me
what you and I mean
it's only what I've seen
it's only just one dream
tell my baby I love her
and I wish I could hold her
it's hard to say goodbye
when you know that it's over

[DANNY]
I just can't escape
it's like you're here with me now
but the words you say
they always seem to fade out
since you been away
I'm just a face in the crowd
someday, someday
I know you're coming back down
someday, someday
I know you're coming back down
one day, one day
I know you're coming back down

[JOHNNY 3 TEARS]
I know you're coming back
know you're coming back
I know you're coming back down

I know you're coming back
know you're coming back
I know you're coming back down (down)

I know you're coming back
know you're coming back
I know you're coming back down

I know you're coming back
know you're coming back
I know you're coming back down

[DANNY]
I know you're coming back down

[DANNY]
I just can't escape
it's like you're here with me now
but the words you say
they always seem to fade out
since you been away
I'm just a face in the crowd
someday, someday
I know you're coming back down
someday, someday
I know you're coming back down
one day, one day
I know you're coming back down

Moms and Dads

2011-09-25T19:25:00.000-07:00

I have never been so pissed/sad/depressed and disappointed all in the past 24 hours. My parents don't really have a relationship at all anymore. They're just my mother and my father. They don't talk to each other, they don't like to be in the same room and they just don't do anything together at all and I hate it. I hate going to my friends house seeing that there parents actually talk to each other, I get so jealous I just want to leave. My family gets along with each other only if my parents aren't in the same room together. I could have the best of times with my dad and the best of times with my mom, but never them together. Them together is torture for everyone around us.
I've always suspected that my mom has cheated on my dad before, and maybe my dad has done the same thing to my mom. My suspicions were proven right last night, I just didn't expect it to be my sisters best friends dad... who is also married. Honestly I'm probably just assuming and making an ass out of myself but honestly it makes sense. I know for a fact that she has a code name for him on her cell phone, I know for a fact that she lied to me about who she was going to dinner with, and I know for a fact that there is chemistry between the two of them.
I hate that my dad doesn't give a fuck. My dad would love to live a single mans life. I think if my dad had the money he would just move to Las Vegas and live there for the rest of his life. I know my dad tried to keep what ever they had going, but my mom was just never that into it I guess.
They're just together because they can't afford to be a part and that what's sucks the most. I have to see them every day avoiding each other, knowing that they don't want to be together anymore.
This just sucks.

2011-09-21T00:31:00.000-07:00

fell alseep on question 156 out of 225...I hate my computer class. So glad I get three chances, but still I was almost done and I fell asleep.
Never go to school at 7 am, end at three, then go to work, skate around for an hour with friends and expect to stay awake during a 225 question exam

Drama

2011-09-10T00:04:00.000-07:00

Drama, drama and more drama is all I have at school right now... Two of my friends almost started fighting yesterday and I think its gonna get out of hand sooner or later. Whats even worse is that all this drama happens between the breaks between my classes. The time I want to relax, study and shove my face with food is the time they decide to start making a scene in the school cafeteria during the busiest time of the day. I was beyond pissed. I basically had to carry my friend out of the cafeteria while my other friends held down the other girl.

honestly people this isnt high school anymore, we're in fcking college and its time to grow the fck up. I will knock the both of them out if they start fighting. I will knock them out and leave them on the floor.

ppplluusss my mom is giving my sister shit because she doesnt give a fck about making more friends at school or caring more about what she does. Lets take bowling for example; my sister bowls fine she has a good average and she listens to what he coach tells her. Then my mom makes a scene during her practice about how she doesnt talk to her teammates enough. her teammates are fcking right there and can here what shes saying. my moms being stupid. Then shes complaining about how she doesnt know what time shes going to be done working on a optional extra credit thing for school. one my mom is making her do the extra credit shit and two im the one picking her up and dropping her off tomorrow so she seriously just needs to shut the fck up right now.

Since the whole fight thing yesterday I feel like Im on the edge and if my mom makes one more argument of something stupid I will just take my sister out of the house for tonight and watch a movie or something. The night is young, I deposited my paycheck, I have gas in my car and tonight I dont think any of the shinagawa girls at home give a fck what my mom says or what the consequences will be. We just need a break and my mom just needs to take a chill pill. now.

So

2011-09-02T00:52:00.000-07:00

I think I got fired tonight. If not Im gonna quit soon. Im tired of dealing with this bullshit at work. I get blamed for every goddman thing. I'm not the fcking manager or the assistant manager, Im just a lowed pay worker who will work just so I can pay for my bills. Im a part time worker, an on call worker, a full time student and I like to be part of my family whenever I can.

Today was honestly a relaxing day, I handled all the customers while my coworker did all of the prep work and refilling of everything else. My coworker got food poisoning yesterday and just got over his cold and he still comes to work because he honestly needs the hours and no one else could work. So he manned it through the day trying to help me whenever I needed help. We just finished cleaning the back of the store and the front, all we had left to do was the counter. I can clean the counter by myself, so I decided to give him a break and told him to go sit in the back. I was about to clean and then a customer came in, so I helped him and then another customer came in as I was ringing up the customer. My boss comes running in thinking the customer has been in the store for a long time, and once the guy leaves my boss starts fucking bitching at me and sees my coworker resting in the back and gets even more mad because he was just sitting there doing nothing. We had customers all fucking night. if we werent doing customers we were doing prep work or something else. He's sick and I let him take one fucking break and my boss gets mad at me for letting him rest. I mean honestly what the fuck?

My boss bitched at me saying I should have called him if mike (coworker) was sick and he would get someone to cover the shift. I called everyone asking if they could cover the shift, no one could and they all had legitimate reasons as to why they couldn't work. So after I called everyone I decided to call my boss and ask him if he could work in place of mike. Do you know what he said to me? "No too bad, make mike work" My boss knew that mike was sick. He fucking knew that he could have came in to take mikes place, but does he? no. When my boss came in he smelt like beer so I knew he was buzzed or drunk. Which makes everything worse.

The arguing went on for like an hour. My manager came in to close the store and he heard me and my boss boss arguing and he backed me up. He knows I'm a good worker and I do everything I can, I listen to him more than my boss boss because he just makes sense. As soon as I got my boss to shut up because he knew I was right he told me to get out of the store. I did and on the way out my manager gave me a high five and bought me a drink before he brought me home. So here I am typing with horrible grammar venting and debating if i should just not show up to work tomorrow. I need the money and I dont want to leave the rest of my coworkers dealing with my boss. I know i can handle him now and I'm probably gonna keep working until he fires me or I can make my on call job a part time job.

we'll see

Amazing

2011-08-30T10:10:00.000-07:00

I find it amazing that I tried to do things early for school so that I wouldnt stress the crap out, but then my plans get scewed over. Lets see, the school wouldnt take my debit card so I couldnt buy my textbook so that I can do my homework thats due tomorrow. Work is being a pain in the ass and my boss is being a dumbass and wont hire people when he god damn knows well that we need workers. You know what else is just really fcked up right now? life. As soon as Wednesday is over some of my stress should be gone.

Forget

2011-08-22T01:29:00.001-07:00

Forget yesterdays post. I'm in a better mood tonight even though school does start tomorrow.
Gotta love having awesome friends.

nightnight

Words

2011-08-21T01:07:00.000-07:00

I cant believe you started to sound like her of all people, I like you for who you are. I get that shes there and im here but really? ilzhjcalijfh For two years Ive known you and I love your sense of humor and the way you say good bye to me. I dont know you anymore. This hurts. it hurts right now

Not my day

2011-08-17T02:21:00.000-07:00

yeah.... today was just a why the hell did I get out of bed day. Should have just stayed sleeping with my killer headache, but I wanted to talk to him so i stayed awake. He found out i had a headache and told me to go to sleep again. I did and i ended up waking up at 240 when i start work at three. Got ready and realized my dad had the car so i rode my board to work, but going down a small hill my wheel decided to come loose. Im missing a bolt and a fcking wheel AFTER i just replaced the bearings for it. I called my coworker and told her i would be a few minutes late and asked if she could cover for me. I got my coffee from my friend for free today and as soon as I get into work some douche knocks the coffee out of my hand and i would have started dropping f bombs if my coworker didnt cover my mouth. Then i realized I forgot my uniform at home and had to borrow someones.
^^^That all happened in 25 minutes after I woke up from a nap....
after my coworker alex went to barnes and nobles to get me another coffee and played some relaxing music while i demolished all of the prep work we had to do for the day hahaha yeah no customers and a butt ton of prep work isnt so bad when you have the right music and the right person to spend the next 6 hours with.

My night got better again when I came home to my sisters singing and dancing to high school musical three and I just couldnt help but sing and dance with them. Then i got to talk to him again tonight and it just made it even better. Now im cuddled on my couch eating pizza wishing i had soda and another movie to watch haha

nightnight everyone or good morning

I saw her

2011-08-12T17:37:00.000-07:00

I saw her again :] just a customer who became a regular, who started flirting with me and i didnt really notice until my coworker pointed it out. I didnt see her the whole summer until today and I didnt realize it at first which made me sad, but we got to talking and you know what? I still dont know her goddamn name, and Im pretty sure she knows mine. Yeah I had this goofy grin on my face at work the whole day and yeah adjkldjfs ssoo happy :]

Shoulder

2011-08-10T01:38:00.000-07:00

My sister and her boyfriend broke up tonight while I was at work and you know what my mom did? Absolutely nothing. I think she actually made things worse. I hate my mom for doing this to my sister, I hate that she couldnt be my sisters shoulder to cry on, I hate that my sister just didnt call me at work, I hate not being there to be her shoulder to cry on. My grandma was the perfect shoulder to lean on and I miss her like crazy right now. When people need me I can only be someone they can talk to and just hold them when they need me. I give the worst advice, well maybe its not the worst just super generic is all. I hate it when I know my friends need me but I cant be there.

Everyday and Night

2011-08-09T01:21:00.000-07:00

I have this grin on my face again. My friend is helping me learn some new skate moves which arent going so well, so I'm taking a break now. While im watching him and my other guy friends skate Im talking to my other friend online and honestly both of these guys are making me pretty happy right now. Which is heavenly considering the argument i had with a diff friend the other night. Right now life is finding a way for things to work out more for me and im loving it.

well back to skating.

nightnight

A day late

2011-08-09T01:06:00.000-07:00

So let me get this straight
You say now you loved me all along
What made you hesitate
To tell me with words what you really feel
I can see it in your eyes you mean all of what you say
I remember so long ago, see I felt that same way
Now we both have separate lives and lovers (and lovers)
Insignificantly enough we both have significant others

Only time will tell
Time will turn and tell

We are who we were when
Could've been lovers but at least you're still my day late friend
We are who
We are who we were when
Who knew what we know now
Could've been more but at least you're still my day late friend
We are who
We are who we were when

But thoughts they change and times they rearrange I don't know who you are anymore
Loves come and go and this I know I'm not who you recall anymore
But I must confess you're so much more then I remember
Can't help but entertain these thoughts
Thoughts of us together

We are who we were when
Could've been lovers but at least you're still my day late friend
We are who
We are who we were when
Who knew what we know now
Could've been more but at least you're still my day late friend
We are who
We are who we were when

My day late friend

So let me get this straight
All these years and you were nowhere to be found
And now you want me for your own
But you're a day late and my love, she's still renowned

We are who we were when
Could've been lovers but at least you're still my day late friend
We are who
We are who we were when
Who knew what we know now
Could've been more but at least you're still my day late friend
We are who
We are who we were when
x2

This song has been on repeat for most of my day and I cant help but think in my head of what could have been with a couple of people in my life, but whatever happens happens.

Today

2011-08-07T00:36:00.000-07:00

This summer is turning out to be a pretty awesome summer :] Going out everyday to spend time with friends, going on random adventures in walmart, playing airsoft again, driving around, avoiding getting tickets, coming home at 3 am then leaving for work at six haha this summer is just pretty epic and I have two weeks left of it. Today though was a family day. Had to go to the dentist, my sisters saw me at work, went to a fundraiser, danced like idiots at the fundraiser, buy smoothies, get lost on the other side of the island and take my sister megan to her bowling practice for school and ending up eating chinese before we came. The three Shinagawa girls having a girls day out. I need more days like this and I hope my friends can understand this :/

Some of my friends feel hurt whenever I chose my sisters over my family, or anyone in my family over them. I love my friends and some of them dont have what I have at home. Lets take my one guy friend for example; his older sister is the typical golden child and he is always hiding in her shadow. He is the smartest guy I know and his sister still outshines him no matter what. His parents dont give a shit about him and give him a hard time. So all he has is us, and we love him but he needs to understand that Im a big sister and I cant keep him company all the time. Guess what? he never does, he gets super p.m.s.y whenever some of us have to cancel plans on him and it sucks :/

but yeah today was honestly a day well spent :} tomorrow is going to suck though because i have a lot of shit i have to do at work since i took today off :/ oh wells. hope everyone is having a great night and or morning.

nightnight

You

2011-08-01T05:21:00.000-07:00

you: are you ignoring me?

me: yes. I'm ignoring you because once I admitted my true feelings to you, you gave up on me, and our friendship.

you: well I thought it would be awkward if I kept talking to you like everything was normal.

me: no, it wouldnt have been awkward. I was in love with our friendship and not so much you. I would have been completely fine with just us talking like that conversation never happened. Im the one who got hurt not you.

you:... sorry. I'll change

me: dont change, you wont change and even if you did it wouldnt be the friend I thought you were.

2011-07-25T02:00:00.001-07:00

fck it already I give up. Im just gonna go live under a rock and never worry about relationships and love

Friday

2011-07-23T22:09:00.000-07:00

So for the next two weeks i work every single day of the week and my shifts range from 4-8 hours of fun :] I am going to love my next paycheck, but its going straight towards textbooks for school :/

BBUUTT next Friday we are combining three of my guy friends birthdays and gonna play airsoft in the morning from 7-2, then going to the beach until sunset, then watching a movie and then having a party at someones house. I cannot wait til next friday. I really hope I can get that one friday off... if not i might just not show up for work and deal with the consequences the next day... haha

My friend just finished her chemo therapy sessions yesterday and we're throwing a party for her tonight. I am so happy for her and hope she stays healthy.

hope everyones having a great day and or night

nightnight from hawaii

I miss

2011-07-17T02:01:00.000-07:00

I got to see my best friend tonight with out her boyfriend and honestly I feel a lot better. We talked about random things, serious things, and things i never talk about unless its with her. I had no idea how much i missed her until i dropped her off at her house a little while ago. I miss my best friend. the text messages. skype and phone calls are awesome but just hanging out with them in person makes everything a lot better.

I got flowers for my grandma today. I started to cry a little waiting in line to buy them but im fine. I miss her like crazy but I know she would want me to be happy and live my life smiling.

Today was a good day all in all. my shoulders not in as much pain as before. my ankle isnt swollen anymore and all of my cuts are semi scabby right now... its kind of and yeah hahaha come tuesday I should be able to have a midnight skate session with the guys. The moon is always so bright in the summer and I just love it :]

nightnight

pain. pain and more pain

2011-07-14T17:33:00.000-07:00

so i sprained my ankle, got a bunch of scratches here and there and my shoulder popped out and is now in a sling for a couple of days. I am in pain right now.... but it was all worth the skate session last night. Had to take off work for a couple of days and I have to buy a new helmet cause mine fell off a cliff.. hahaha wow my moms gonna kill me when she gets home and sees me....

Hate

2011-07-06T02:06:00.000-07:00

I hate my best friends boyfriend... I dont care how much she loves him. He wasnt there at the hospital when he needed her, he wasnt there when her parents kicked her out for the day, he wasnt there when she started to cry. Hes the one making her cry and hes the one I hate the most at the moment.

everyone in our group of friends hates this guy, but none of us will be able to do anything because our friend is too hard headed to listen to any of us. We said we would tolerate him as long as the relationship doesnt become abusive...and it has. I'm just the only one who know at the moment...I think.

Thinking

2011-07-05T02:34:00.000-07:00

*random thought moments*

For the past week Ive been awake 20 out of the 24 hours of the day since Alaska never really got dark, and I always had something to do. I got home half an hour ago ready to go out and do something, but honestly I just wanted some me time and came here to my usual park. I miss being here just venting on my laptop. I hated that I couldnt see any stars in Alaska, it was beautiful there but it would have been a lot better if I could have seen the stars.
Anyways whats stuck in my mind right now is that I'm not really doing anything great with my life at the moment. Two of my best friends are in the air force right now, another is living his dream by playing video games for a living, and my other friends are content with what they have now. I want to make a difference and make myself proud. I know what I want to do in life, but school comes first. blah idk what im writing anymore
I will make my grandma proud, its the only thing i want in life.

hahaha another thing I realized today is that I dont have a crush on anyone and im happy about it, but I do miss being in a relationship.
yeah today is just one of those days where anything and everything comes to mind.

nightnight

Home

2011-07-04T15:17:00.000-07:00

It feels so good to be home from Alaska. I had such an amazing time! 24 hours of sunlight, spending at least 22 of those hours doing something with friends, family, random people on the streets and just enjoying some me time. I wish I could have used my own phone to talk to everyone back home, but T-Mobile for some reason doesnt work in Alaska.

It is 84 degrees here in Hawaii and back it Alaska it was like 50 degrees...Im dying at home right now :/

What kind of sucked for me on the trip the whole time though was not telling my family I was bi. My cousins know and my sister but my aunties and uncles dont know anything about it. They would make rude jokes and look at people with hate in their eyes whenever they saw two gay guys holding their hands down the street. It hurt a lot not telling them and it made me feel like a coward. I'm not sure if i'll ever tell them. On the brighter side though my cousin knew it was bugging me half the time and decided to take me to a bar and just play pool or dance with a couple of guys or girls and just have fun. Like a vacation is suppose to be.

This trip was just amazing for me and I could spend hours upon hours writing about it, but I wont.

hope everyones having a great fourth of July :]

Friends

2011-06-18T03:29:00.000-07:00

Almost got two tickets today... one for having too much people in my car because my friends car broke down and I decided to be nice and pick them up. The other one was when my friend ran out of my car while waiting for a red light, started pulling off his clothes and screaming at the top of his longs "I am ugly and I am proud" the police saw him come out of my car and questioned my sobriety. I got off with a warning, my friend on the other hand not so much. He wouldnt stop running from the police and yelled "fck the popo".

Yeah, it was a long but funfun night

on the brighter side I saw Green Lantern and it was awesome if you dont think about the comics at all, and I'm going to read before I fall asleep.

nightnight

fail

2011-06-16T02:51:00.000-07:00

so im suppose to be skating right now...but somehow forgot my board at work... I dont even know how I forgot it. So im just gonna type whatever comes to mind right now since I dont want to kill the fun for my friends. Playing music and watching my friends have fun is something I love doing. Music can set the mood for any moment and right now everyones loving dubstep. I'm also talking to this guy I like and might just have the courage to ask for his number. we shall see.

The thing is though I still have feelings for someone else. We used to talk like crazy. I would skype with her, call her on the phone, text, even email her when I was stuck in class, but now its like none of those past couple of months have ever happened. I told her I liked her and that I'm okay with just being friends, and she was genuinely happy with that...or so she told me. She would text me sometimes and we would keep it going all day, but I think its my pride that wont let me text her unless she texts me first. I want to talk to her, I love talking to her but sometimes I get the feeling shes just using me to kill her boredom. I know other people like her and have a better chance. Im just a filler for when shes bored. that hurts the most.
I miss telling her good morning and she would tell me good night. I miss that one last text message or phone call that put a smile on my face right as Im about to fall asleep. She would always send me a good morning text eventually too and it was just perfect.

I think Im just goint to stay forever alone and watch people be happy from afar. it doesnt hurt as much and life is simple that way.

hahahaha my friend just ate shit right now trying to jump off a railing, I should go help him but I dont want to move and someone else is already helping him lol. im horrible.

Feel Good Drag by Anberlin is a song that I will always love

Midnight part 2

2011-06-16T02:33:00.000-07:00

I talked to a few of my friends today and they made me feel a hell of a lot better than I did in my last post. Tonight is officially a full moon and I must say Im loving it. I'm on the country side of the island right now and its nothing but the moon and clear skies. I wish I could see the stars more though, but this will work. I'm really happy to know that I wont lose my friends if I vent to them, I just hope they can do the same to me.

My friend has cancer right now and I try not to go to her to vent anymore, and she realized that and confronted me 20 minutes ago about it. She's watching me type away and just feel better about myself. Her treatments are going well, shes almost done and should be rid of the cancer soon. I hope she gets better soon, I dont want to lose another loved one because of cancer.

I have another friend whos joining the airforce in september and I'm going to miss her like crazy.
Just going to my school, it seems like all the friends I make are in the army, airforce or marines. Im so proud of what theyre doing with their lives, but it just makes me feel so mundane to only be working at small restaurants.

My family... I dont know what to think about them right now. Just going to take it one day at a time and whatever happens, happens.

Midnight

2011-06-15T03:22:00.000-07:00

Midnight skating sessions with my friends is something I always look forward to when its a full moon, but this month I dont really feel like skating. I am currently sitting on a bench watching my friends skate, seeing their faces makes everything better. My friends are my rocks and the people I depend on the most, and I hope they feel the same way about me. Tonight though or today I dont know if I want to open up to them, everything just feels perfect. Its summer, Im going to Alaska next week, no school, friends, family, and work is even fun, but the thing is I think too much when Im around them. All I can think about is will they help me and not look at me differently? I lost one of my best friends because I told her I was bisexual, I lost a friend because I told her that her boyfriend was cheating on her, I lost a friend because she decided to listen to the rumors and not the truth that came out of my mouth. I've lost friends when I shouldnt have, Ive lost friends who I still wish I had. None of them know about my blog, sometimes I wish they did so they know whats going through their minds. Im the mother in our group of friends, a mom is suppose to be strong and not have to break down infront of everyone. But if they ask "what's up?" and we're alone. I deff might break down and just let everything come out. I know I can depend on them and I love them for it.
I dont know, i'll probably pick up my apex soon and start skating, it always helps when I have my moods like this. Maybe I'll be more calm and be able to talk to everyone. we'll see

nightnight or morning

Pissed off

2011-06-11T22:00:00.000-07:00

I am so fcking pissed at my grandpa right now. I know my parents might get a divorce, I know my parents don't talk to each other, they don't sleep in the same room, they don't do ANYTHING together. but you know what? they love us and no matter how fcked my mom can be sometimes and my dad I love them too. they fcking love each other they just don't show it. my dad wears his wedding ring all the time, he invites her out of the house and tries. my mom may not do the same, but i think shes just mad at him because he switched jobs. but it doesn't mean she wants to divorce them over it. I get that love fades. I understand that people do get divorces. I understand that maybe down the road my parents will get a divorce. I get that. but my grandpa thinks I don't understand that, he thinks I'm oblivious to everything that is happening around me. fck I cant tell him that my parents love each other I cant yell at him for telling his thoughts about my parents in front of my sisters. They are part of this but what the fck are they gonna do? they shouldn't be involved in it yet. my grandpa just doesn't know shit right now. I can probably talk to him but i have no patience to talk to him. My grandpas deaf and for me to try and argue with him about all of this would just piss me off even more. ffffcckkk
I'm mad right now because my grandpa reminded me of all of this. My parents love my sisters and I enough to stay together and they will deal with each other. For us. I wish my parents would find love, but that would mean a divorce and honestly i don't want our family to break up.
I want my family together. I already lost my grandma and my great grandma in one year. I don't want to lose my family. this is so not cool what so ever.
I'm selfish. I'm pissed. I'm hurting.

Ironic

2011-06-09T03:40:00.000-07:00

Im reading Bound by Darkness by Alexis Morgan and listening to my Ipod and let me just say my Ipod is just in sync with the book. I just couldn'p but laugh at how ironic it was.
With me and my friends we have a thing. As soon as we're all in the car and ready to go, we grab the drivers ipod put it on shuffle and, whatever song comes on first it will tell us how our adventure will be like. Usually its pretty accurate and makes the adventure even better knowing that someones ipod could predict the future. That is honestly one of the weirdest superstitions that my friends and I have but its okay. Theyre my family and I love them like I love my real family...sometimes hahaha.

its 1234 am right now and lifes pretty good. Working almost everyday so that I can have more shopping money in for Alaska and book money for the fall semester. Getting a lot better on my longboard. One of my cameras is still out of commission but I should be able to pick it up soon :]

anyways I'm going to keep on reading and listening to music until I fall asleep and repeat the same schedule tomorrow. nightnight hope who ever is reading this nonsense is having a great day and enjoying the little things in life.

The songs that were playing by the way were:
Just a dream by Nelly. Just a dream (cover) by Sam Tsui and Christina Grimmie. Just a kiss by Karmin also another cover... hmm looks like my ipod wasnt on shuffle haha

nightnight

Need/want

2011-06-07T01:25:00.000-07:00

There's a big difference between needing something and wanting something.
Example: I always want coffee before work but never really need it.

I want his number, dont really need it I just want it lol

good night

Falling

2011-06-03T01:00:00.000-07:00

I.am.falling.for.him. it sucks a lot. I'm trying really hard not to like him, but everyday I talk to him I find something more that I like. bbllaahh. So again in my life I start to fall for someone who doesn't live in the same state and whos in the military and hes haole. *sighs*

guess what?

2011-05-16T20:50:00.000-07:00

IT'S SUMMER TIME!!!

that is all i have to say xD

Tonight

2011-05-01T02:28:00.000-07:00

"Im in a relationship and its complicated". fcking hate saying those words it shouldnt be complicated, if you love someone you love them, but you know what? it is complicated. Its like every person i like isnt on this island (Lol i bitch and moan about this a lot) I dont want another long distance relationship, I dont want to fall for someone who doesnt live here, I dont want to fall for someone and not have the relationship go anywhere. So we do nothing. feelings fade and we move on to someone new. what sucks is knowing that person moved onto someone new, whose in the same state as them and who can actually hold them in their arms and kiss them goodbye. It sucks that theyve moved on, but honestly Im really happy for them. Im just happy they have someone and can maybe fall in love with.
Im going to miss the text messages at random hours, saying good night to them when its morning, having someone make me smile for no apparent reason. Im going to miss the fact or the feeling of maybe I could fall in love with this person and truly be happy.

music

2011-04-10T23:25:00.000-07:00

I found my grandmas Ipod... and I swear im crying at ever song thats playing. there are just soo many memories with these songs. I shared her ipod with her when we went to florida, played her CDs in the car, and listened to them when she was at the hospital. I dont think I can put her ipod with mine, I would cry at any random moment like I am now. yeah... im being semi stupid right now. I realy should go home and do my homework or at least go cry in my own bed instead of being here. I miss her so much right now. Im getting more done to my tattoo soon. Im for sure putting her full name and her birthday.

なんくるないさ

bday

2011-03-26T11:00:00.000-07:00

the past two days have been fun and amazing :] but whats sad is that I can officially say I'm short a best friend.

nerf gun battles, yakiniku, chill day at work, new ipod, new phone, paycheck from work, and I got a letter from Jake. yeah the past two days have been perfect and Im ready to go back to school...as soon as I do my homework...

the moon

2011-03-23T01:57:00.000-07:00

i can see the moon perfectly right now, and its beautiful. It makes my night everytime I see the moon. When it was a full moon this month it was just perfect, skating with friends and just talking under the biggest full moon in 20 years was just something else for me. Its spring break right now and Im having a lot of fun =] one of my best friends is home for a week, my other friend is getting healthier everyday, I get to take my sisters out to breakfast before school starts for them, I get to skate more :D and I can sleep in lol. yeah, this spring break has been awesome so far and have no regrets about it. just have to at least start on my homework though...then all is well =]

at the park

2011-03-21T17:01:00.000-07:00

This is going to sound pretty creepy but I love watching kids play in the park. Theyre so care free and they have their parents watching over them so they dont have to worry. I remember coming to this park with my grandma and my sisters. She would watch over us as we played on the swings or ran around like there was no tomorrow. I miss that the most, having someone watch over you so you have nothing to worry about. Marco Polo wasnt just a game for my family, it was a calling to make sure we were all okay. My grandma would yell marco, and we would have to yell polo from youngest to oldest. I miss how simple things were when my grandma was alive, I miss her. Nankurunaisa. Whatever happens, happens. Im going to be a grandma one day and make sure my grandkids feel the same way I did, thats my long term goal at least. Short term goal is to take my sisters to this park and play in the swings, I'll remember what its like to do nothing but have fun, I'll remember that my grandma gave me this feeling of pure joy.

whatever happens, happens=nankurunaisa.

Spring Break

2011-03-19T12:42:00.000-07:00

Spring Break is here!!! one week of having fun with friends :]

Last night was awesome, well actually all of yesterday was just pure awesome. My sister came home from her florida trip and bought me mickey mouse hands. which are pretty hard to put on. Got food, food and more food. Apparently my friends couldnt find me in barnes and nobles sssoo they decided to yell at the top of their lungs "Shannon!!! meeet us outside" I was going to murder them. but it made my night even better :]
Watched Battle LA last night and it was awesome :] then to finish the night off. we went and got all you can eat yakiniku at 2 am xD got home around 430 am and now Im getting ready for work at 1030. running on 5 hours of sleep :] its the way of spring break xD

hope everyone is having a good day and getting enough sleep

TSUNAMI

2011-03-11T00:15:00.000-08:00

tsunami warning tonight!! an 8.9 earthquake hit japan.

Best Friend part two

2011-03-09T08:58:00.000-08:00

"we'll see" I honestly only expected to hear those words from my parents only, never my best friend. Four of my friends are coming home for spring break and most of us are all excited and planning things that we should all do. stuff like going to get yakiniku, go to the beach, watch a concert, movies etc etc. But I guess my friend just isnt excited that people are coming home for a week and that we will just see them during the summer. None of us have seen her in months and the times we do see her she brings her boyfriend along and leaves early. I give up. I'll talk to her any chance I have but no more inviting her anywhere and trying to be a good friend.

In other news. Midterms are this week and next week. THEN ITS SPRING BREAK!!! :D you have no idea how happy I am. F my best friend right now, I get to see my best guy friend, my banana, my mini me, aannddd my wife lol

Best Friends

2011-03-05T10:34:00.000-08:00

Pretty sure Im short a best friend. I seemed to get blown off everytime I just want to "hang out" but if her boyfriend wants to "hang out" its completly fine. I miss talking to her everyday or doing random and stupid shit with her. She forgot the anniversary of my grandma passing, when a new friend remembered. Idk I love my best friend to death but lately shes not giving a shit. So im just gonna stop asking her to come hang out with us, gonna stop being the first one to start the conversation, gonna stop giving a damn about her ditching.

anyways. Last night after work was just perfect. We found an all you can eat 24-7 korean BBQ for just $20, the food was amazing too and I went with the right people who I just had fun with. Then we decided to go play around in Walmart. Picture 6 grown men plus me playing around with nerf swords whacking each other and runnning around like the crazy kids we are. I was surprised we didnt get in trouble,

People say you lose friends when you go to different colleges, I did lose a friend but I gained a lot more.
Oh wells

Getting stronger

2011-02-24T22:23:00.000-08:00

I guess with all the bullshit happening around me Im getting stronger. Im not breaking down and running away from my problemds like I did before. Im still bitching and moaning every chance I can get but Im still going to be there for the people I love. Today I went to spend some time with my friend while she had to get radiation. I spent some time with her but then I realized I took a four hour nap on her with out realizing it. She had doodled on my arm a little, put a blanket on me and let me sleep. Does anyone else have a moment like that? where you plan to take care of someone but they end up taking care of you? When she woke me up I decided to go get some ice cream for both of us, I spent 28$ in the cafe buying anything i could get my hands on. As soon as she comes back to the room I offer her some ice cream only to realize that shes lactose intolerant... yeah I fail as a best friend lol. But it got her to laugh and we went to go get some real food after she was done.

I also realized today that one of my best friends has the same kind of cancer my grandma had. It sucked, I cant believe I forgot that small detail. I just felt like I forgot my grandma today a little. But im not gonna be sad and depressed and ignore my best friend because she reminds me of my grandma. Do i want to? hell yeah I do, but I love her too much to do the samething. I will get stronger so that I wont let anyone down like I did with my grandma. Im going to be there every second I can to take care of her and just make her smile.

I like to tell myself that I will make my grandma proud of me. Today I think I did that, I was there for a friend and got her to smile with my stupid mistake. I miss my grandma and will always remember the happy times I had with her. I hope Im making her proud :]

hahahaha yeah fck today

2011-02-21T15:51:00.000-08:00

this is my first day in a long while where I dont have work OR school all on the sameday... my mom wakes me up at 7 am to do chores, that didnt bug me. what bugged me is that my two best friends who are girls ditched me for their boyfriends who are both named john... I officially hate the name. Had to plans to go to the beach and then go to a new restraunt to catch up and all...but i get ditched... Oh wells. gonna hang out with my two best guy friends and hopefully we dont get pulled over again tonight... lol so no girls night out but a guys night out plus me xD

should i?

2011-02-03T21:24:00.000-08:00

Once agian I'm in a barnes and nobles typing out another post. I can say Ive read one book this year so far. Kind of sad, I know but I loved the book. Read the fever series by Karen Marie Monning I hope you'll love it like I did.

Anyways, my mom kicked me out of the house again. In the year 2011 Ive been kicked out of the house for doing nothing...Literally. Ive either been busy at school, work, doing homework and trying to have a life, my mom has gotten really mad that Im not at home doing the chores she doesnt want to do. I get that shes mad that she has to go back to doing chores around the house, but really...did she have to kick me out of the house again? at least this time I had my bag with all of my shit in it. I have my wallet, I have my laptop, and I have my apex. So im not complaining that I got kicked out of the house, I have friends who are willing to house me yet again for the next couple of days and I love them for it. No school tomorrow for me :] So im gonna finish as much homework as I can right now and just have an awesome weekend.

I miss my sisters, the only time I see them is in the morning when I drop them off at school. I miss trying to teach my sister to ride my apex, I miss having stupid arguments with my sisters, I miss teasing Kalen for loving Justin Beiber. I miss being a big sister. Work and school are kicking my ass.

January 27th

2011-01-25T17:52:00.000-08:00

Is the day my grandma passed away. thats two days from today. I have family coming over to celebrate her one year anniversary of being gone...but why would anyone want to celebrate the passing of someone... I just want to go to school, get my tattoo and just dissapear for the day. I dont want to see my family and talk about how much we miss my grandma. I told them that, and they got really mad at me. I understand that we should be together on the 27th, but I dont want to be around them. I love my family and I know they love me, so why cant they understand that I just want to be alone for a couple of hours? They dont know im getting my tattoo on thursday, not sure how long I can even hide it from them anyways but who cares. The tattoos gonna remind me that life goes on after my grandma, and that I have to live my life to make her proud of me.

What sucks even more is that I have to write a paper about a person I cared a lot about and how they changed my life, the essays due on thursday too. Life is just telling me to remember my grandma, and remembering this much about her just sucks and makes me want to cry even more. Im trying to do the stupid essay right now at barnes and nobles, but needed a break. So im on here typing out whats going through my head right now. Just a small distraction of the things to come up in the next couple of days.

Wifi

2011-01-17T15:04:00.000-08:00

wifi is very important and I dont have it at home. So im sitting in barnes and nobles trying to do as much homework as I can before my battery dies. which is in about... 3 hours :D gotta love extended battery life =]

blah =P

2011-01-10T08:58:00.001-08:00

up and dressed for school. I start at 8 am today....last semester I started at 1. ooh boy. this sucks lol. helping my sisters get ready, and eating breakfast. I actually miss doing this with them =]

hope you have a great day =] cause i hope I do too

Pics

2011-01-05T12:55:00.000-08:00

Perfect day in Hawaii

Happy New Year

2011-01-01T13:18:00.000-08:00

Last night and this morning was perfect. The last year of fireworks in Hawaii and EVERYONE went crazy. you could not go one minute withour hearing fireworks, or seeing something light up in the sky. Ended up buring two of my fingers though, part of my jeans and my shoes. But honestly everyone next year is gonna get their hands on some illegal fireworks so I cant wait to see how much people I know will get tickets for them. Every January first I would go up to this one point to see the sunrise. Its just my spot to go to whenever Im sad and just want to get away. The only other person who Ive ever taken up their with me is my best guy friend and I didnt get to hang out with him this year, but that boy knows me pretty well and called me to keep me company. The sunrise was beauiful as always and I had a great first conversation of the year.

Hope you have a great first day =]

So I think

2010-12-31T03:00:00.000-08:00

So I honestly think I have been going out and having too much fun with either my friends, family or me just riding on my skateboard. My knee is officially killing me. I have a knee brace and everything but it still hurts. Its been almost two weeks since I hurt my knee. I couldn't take it easy for the first couple of days it hurt because I had work and volunteer, but since Ive cut back some hours its not really helping me. Running around playing Tag at 3 am at school or playing kickball at 2 am isnt helping at all. Yeah its winter break and I dont want to take it easy, I want to have fun lol. But my knee needs to get better asap. So I think after new years celebrations done I am going to rest my knee, try not to do anything and just relax on my couch or in bed at home. I already have a bad right shoulder, I do not want a bad knee too.

So, my plans are to:

sleep
Read any book I can get my hands on
have a movie night at home so I dont have to go out
buy a video game and just start tweaking out again
relax =]

Dont be like me, If your in pain rest. rest immediately or it will get worse

Songs 3

2010-12-29T11:31:00.000-08:00

The kids by B.o.B,

Drug boy said it's show time

Streets don't give a damn

They filled with such pollution

The kids don't stand a chance

We're trapped inside the matrix

Forced to play our hand

We're fill with so much hatred

The kids don't stand a chance

I said the kids don't, the kids don't stand, the kids don't stand a chance

Well, since I was planted at birth

I abandoned my own planet and I landed on earth

As I kid I never understood what I observed

Some of it was strange but most of it disturbed me

Always in detention for the lack of my attention

You could call it deficit, really I just didn't listen

And I was always missin'

The teachers like, where is bobby simons?

But tryna get a record deal is all I can I remember

It's funny cause lookin back on the past that I had all my days in the streets tryna prove that I was bad

I still elevated to the level that i'm at

Still elevated to the level that i'm at

Drug boy said it's show time

Streets don't give a damn

They filled with such pollution

The kids don't stand a chance

We're trapped inside the matrix

Forced to play our hand

We're fill with so much hatred

The kids don't stand a chance

I said the kids don't, the kids don't stand, the kids don't stand a chance

Sometimes it's hard to grow

While livin in fear of the unknown

How can he ever give love

When no love is in his heart?

A child can barely see that i

Do worry bout tomorrow

And what it beholds,

He drowns himself

Deep down in his sorrow

Will you run or will you share your light

Tell a story of the live and try

See it when we're given hope

That we know that we can grow

Drug boy said it's show time

Streets don't give a damn

They filled with such pollution

The kids don't stand a chance

We're trapped inside the matrix

Forced to play our hand

We're fill with so much hatred

The kids don't stand a chance

I said the kids don't, the kids don't stand, the kids don't stand a chance

Take Me by Anberlin

The ground is shaking underneath

Now that you're here

A body skipping beats

When you appear

The world is on fire

Since you've come near

All I've ever desired

Is here with me

You're here with me

Take me as you found me

Or leave me to die

Leave me wanting

The rest of your life

Who's going to drink my blood

Now that you're gone

Who's going to right all my wrongs

Now that you're gone

Who's going to tear my flesh with a stirring sing

Now that you're gone

Woaahh

Now that you're gone

Take me as you found me

Or leave me tonight
Leave me wanting

Leave me wanting

The rest of your life

Take me as you found me

Or leave me to die

Leave me wanting

The rest of your life

Take me as you found me

Or leave me to die

Leave me wanting

The rest of your life

You leave me stranded

Now that you're gone

Don't leave me stranded

Out here all alone

Take me as you found me

Or leave me tonight

Leave me wanting

The rest of your life

Take me as you found me

Or leave me to die

Leave me wanting

The rest of your life

you know

2010-12-28T01:17:00.000-08:00

you know i never thought it would be this hard to read a book. the book isnt bad or anything it just connects too much to whats happening in my life right now. I want to be more determined in life, I want to know what the hell im going to do with my life. I just want to know. Maybe you know what youre going to be doing in life, but me I know nothing.People always say to live in the moment and to just enjoy life, my grandma told me those words so hell yea Im gonna listen to her. I enjoy life, I know their are people who love me, who can make me smile, who can make me cry tears of joy. Those people are the reason why I dont want to leave home. "Home is where the heart is" a small line from the book Im reading and I believe it. No matter how much we hate where we grew up or who we grew up with, it made us who we are. Its who we are that people fall in love with. Finding something thats right, our souldmate. I believe in love, I truly do. The greeks taught us about the different types of love we can have for a person(i paid attention in class :] I believe that those who truly deserve love will find love in the most pure form. The love of that one person who makes everything click, the pereson you cant live without, that person just makes everything right. I have friends who can do those things for me. But I havent found that one person who can do it all. I havent done anything in my life, so love shouldnt come knocking on my door anytime soon. I can wait for my one person who does it alll. I wont be blind to love, if it comes knocking on my door im gonna welcome love and keep it close. So you never know when loves gonna come.

Im currently sitting outsife of my house right now at 1046 pm. its a beautiful night, me looking at the stars wonder "what time will tell" The word butterflies came into my head, I used to get butterflies talking to someone I had a crush on. I would smile this goofy grin whenever I had the chance to talk to that person. It was just fun to talk. For a second I wished it would go somewhere, you know be something more thean just friends. But it was a stupid wish to make, I knew it wouldnt go anywhere, but that stupid thought left my head as soon as we talked more. I was a sucker for a hello, that hello that would bring the butterflies to my stomach and that goofy grin to my face. You know what happens next right? I lost contact with that person, we just stopped talking. there were probably a million things i could have done, things i should have done. But if i even tried to do anything I knew i would get hurt in the end. You know what Im thinking though? Im a dumbass. I saved myself from the heartache but I lost a friend. I lost a Platontic liove I had with someone. Losing a friend that makes you smile like that, just sucks. I get how a friend feels now, I know that sounds pretty dicks but yeah. I get the pain, and hate it. I wish I could rewind time and give them better advice. cause the bullshit that came out of my mouth to make them feel better isnt doing shit for me right now.

You know that one friend you have that gives you the most perfect advice that makes you feel better? it will never be me, Im just a friend who will hug you when you need it, will just sit there in the silence when you need it, just a shoulder to lean on. But to give advice that will give someone hope, that for sure is never gonna be me.

all this rambling from reading a couple of my book, this book is just one of those books that hit too close to him. It makes you think about what you dont want to think about and you for some reason love it for that very reason. It makes you remember the good and the bad, remember your living in the present and makes you wonder about your future. I never know whats gonna happen in my future no one really knows. we just have to fall into the darkness and wait for the hands of faith to drop us off where we're suppose to be. Just fall and life will pick you right back up, giving you reasons to live.

At the end of every post なんくるないさ comes into my head. maybe its because deep down I know everything will be alright and that whatever happens, just happens.

Life 10

2010-12-27T01:39:00.000-08:00

I guess it was worth the 50 cents...but only for the first couple seconds of the ride.

at an xmas party. having fun

we never have a chance to wear this kind of clothes in hawaii so we had fun dressing up in the middle of the store =]

Merry Chirstmas

2010-12-25T21:17:00.000-08:00

Merry Christmas everyone :D

Songs 2

2010-12-21T23:51:00.000-08:00

Im in an iffy mood right now, no ones home and I plugged my ipod to my speakers and am now blasting my music to the point where im sure my neighbors will come knocking on my door to complain about the noise.

Im playing right now Yeah 3x by Chris Brown

[Verse 1]

Move your body, out on the floor

Put your troubles aside

And start living

Anybody can let go

Throw away all your problems

Coz right now it's party time

Girl don't feel outta place

Coz I, I'm in love with this feeling now

And I, I, hope that this will last a while

We should make it last a while

You like to drink, so do we

Get more bottles, bring 'em to me

Hold your glasses up, people everywhere

Now everybody put your hands in the air say

Yeah, Yeah, Yeah

Girl I wanna

Yeah, yeah, yeah

I wanna see you tonight

Yeah, yeah, yeah

Girl I gotta, I gotta, I gotta

I gotta see you tonight

Oh oh, oh woh oh oh

Oh oh, let me see your hands

Oh oh, oh woh oh oh

Oh oh, tonight is the night

Lost in the moment

Can't believe you're so beautiful

Feels like I'm in a dream

Baby we're going

Somewhere you've never been before

So take my hand and come with me

Girl don't feel outta place

Coz I, I'm in love with this feeling now

And I, I, hope that this will last a while

We should make it last a while

You like to drink, so do we

Get more bottles, bring 'em to me

Hold your glasses up, people everywhere

Now everybody put your hands in the air say

Yeah, Yeah, Yeah

Girl I wanna

Yeah, yeah, yeah

I wanna see you tonight

Yeah, yeah, yeah

Girl I gotta, I gotta, I gotta

I gotta see you tonight

Oh oh, oh woh oh oh

Oh oh, let me see your hands

Oh oh, oh woh oh oh

Oh oh, tonight is the night

All the pretty young things in the party

Let me see your hands up

And if they mad and they don't wanna party

Tell 'em

So DJ turn it loud

And watch me turn it up

Don't worry bout it we here to party

So jump, jump, jump, jump

Girl I wanna

I wanna see you tonight

Yeah, Yeah

Girl I gotta, I gotta, I gotta

I gotta see you tonight

Yeah, Yeah, Yeah

Tonight is the night

honestly that song made my mood slightly better. but then the next song kinda killed it again

Like we used to by Rocket to the Moon (a beautiful song, but not a good song to listen to when im this kinda iffy mood)

I can feel her breath as she's sleeping next to me

Sharing pillows and cold feet

She can feel my heart, fell asleep to its beat

Under blankets and warm sheets

If only I could be in that bed again

If only it were me instead of him

Does he watch your favorite movies?

Does he hold you when you cry?

Does he let you tell him all your favorite parts?

When you've seen it a million times

Does he sing to all your music

While you dance to "Purple Rain"?

Does he do all these things

Like I used to?

14 months and 7 days ago

Oh, I know you know how we felt about that night

Just your skin against the window

But we took it slow and we both know

It shoulda been me inside that car

It should have been me instead of him in the dark

Does he watch your favorite movies?

Does he hold you when you cry?

Does he let you tell him all your favorite parts

When you've seen it a million times?

Does he sing to all your music

While you dance to 'Purple Rain'?

Does he do all these things

Like I used to?

I know, love

(Well, I'm a sucker for that feeling)

Happens all the time, love

(I always end up feeling cheated)

You're on my mind, love

(Oh sorta let her when I need it)

That happens all the time, love, yeah

Will he love you like I loved you?

Will he tell you everyday?

Will he make you feel like you're invincible

With every word he'll say?

Can you promise me if this was right?

Don't throw it all away

Can you do all these things?

Will you do all these things

Like we used to?

Oh, like we used to

so after 11 songs after these two, my neighbor called me and asked me to turn down the music. I did and Im just probably gonna blow out my earphones sooner or later. glad I have the cheap ones and not just my bose ones.

good night

fck the distance

2010-12-21T13:46:00.000-08:00

yeah it sucks right now. a friend could use me and im stuck here. jakes mom has cancer, he needs a buddy and im stuck here. just being stuck on an island sucks. nuff.said.

Life 9

2010-12-20T19:00:00.000-08:00

winter break is looking great so far =]. lots of ups and little downs.

Finals pretty much sucked last week, had to wait 40 minutes in line to check in to take my final, then wait an hour and a half to take the final and then it took me an hour and 14 minutes to finish my final. It sucked but I passed it with a B so I passed the class with a B. it was math so for me thats awesome =] worked pretty much 5 days in a row, would have been okay if we didnt have so much customers.

I am done christmas shopping and officially broke xD

I explained sunday. still pure awesome

So its monday and I had nothing planned. couldnt really do much anyways because of a killer headahce. I bought food for my sisters and I. althoguh i forgot to buy food for kalen so I had to go to a mcdonalds and pick her up some food. I get to hang out with my best friend on wednesday hopefully xD i just have to think of something that we want to do.

So a friend of mine told me that "she burnt her toungue on cereal. its fruity peppbles. always does that. unless its soft cuz of the milk its too whatevers and it scrapes the top of my mouth and makes it feel like when i burn it when eating something really hot.""those text messages made my day =] literally had a facepalm moment. told my sister what she said and she started lauging and called her crazy. but we're all crazy on the insisde so its okay. now if she would just admit that herself we'll be all set. I know shes gonna read this eventually too sssoo admit that your crazy already =]

tonights a lunar eclipse hope you all saw it

what I learned

2010-12-20T00:10:00.000-08:00

Today I learned a lot. I learned that people will come to subway when its pouring rain. It was raining pretty damn hard today, I wouldnt want to drive in todays weather but a lot of people did today. it was crazy. But I had fun =] I had to wrap a couple of gifts today and since I didnt have any paper, I had to use the subway wrappers. it turned out pretty great lol. I also learned that everyone at the barnes and nobles cafe close to me knows what drink I like to get, they just have to ask if i want it hot or cold. I love it.

I need to cheer my friend up somehow, dont know what Im gonna do. but shes always there for me and I hope Im always there for her.

I fell for the wrong girl tonight. nuff said

Tonight. tonight was just fcking awesome!!! lol I learned the definition of LMAO tonight xD hahahahahahaha I need another repeat of tonight, I literally cried laughing. it was just one of those nights that make you enjoy life and not want to screw it up.

toy story. doesnt matter. all of them, just pure awesome

what I want to learn though. is how to make people believe in love.

Today is the day

2010-12-16T11:37:00.000-08:00

today is the last day of my first semester of college and Im spending it taking a math final. Oh joy xP I hope I pass this one, if not...oh wells. I hope I have a lot of good luck, cause I think im gonna need it in about an hour or two

gggaaahhh

2010-12-15T15:22:00.000-08:00

So im at school right now thinking about my bio final that starts in about an hour, and I AM FREAKING OUT!!! I hope I do okay on this final... if not... I dont even want to think about it. all i want to think about is having a mini party with my friends tonight to celebrate that finals are over!!! thursday is the official day the semester is done, but I have work thursday so we're hanging out today to celebrate and do semi stupid things. Hope we dont get into too much trouble, cause I have another final tomrrow =P.

What sucks though is that in the back of my head, I keep on thinking about my friends on the mainland and how Im stuck on an island and theyre so far away from me. They need more than my voice to help them, just yeah. I miss certain people or person right now and it sucks. You know what else sucks? that when a person talks about love and how they cant find that one person, all Im thinking in my head is; why not fcking open your eyes and let me be that person. yeah nuff said gotta get back to studying

again nankurunaisa I guess

Finals are killing me

2010-12-15T00:31:00.000-08:00

*sigh* Two finals tomorrow. Bio and history. History should be easy, but biology...omg I hate that class xD actually I hate the subject not the class. too much information that wont stay in my head. Working today killed me, I dont have any more motivation right now to study and Im debating if i should just go sleep.

today

2010-12-11T02:07:00.000-08:00

I think today was just THE perfect day of ups and downs. For every happy moment I had a sad moment, for every sad moment, there was a happy moment. its days like this that makes me believe in karma. The best way for me to wake up is the cold and the rain combined, in Hawaii its like snow to us. Cold weather and rain is just an awesome combination. Its just too bad I couldnt cuddle in bed and sleep the day away but I had to get to school and do some serious studying in math or I would fail my final. The fun part of that though, is that after 2 hours of studying the power goes out in school. My classmates and I decicde to go carboard slidding on the wet grass and just have fun. It took about an hour for the power to go back on, and I passed my quiz that will help me for my final so Im pretty happy about that.

It seemed like everywhere I went the power would go on and off. It was quite funny. power went out at school, when I had to go home to get my uniform at work, barnes and nobles, and then at work. Im glad it was only for a couple of minutes.

There are always people complaining about there work enviornment or their coworkers, Im one of them. but today was not even close to that. today was just a super chill day, easy prep work, fun conversations, boss made us food, and a hell of a lot of laughs. Its just too hard to explain all the moments. The only down part of work is that someone stole money from our tip jar... the weird thing though is that he didnt take all the money in the jar. just like four dollars, honestly if I were him I would have stolen our whole jar...But oh well, still made $6 tip in one night, for a subway thats good.

My friends bought me my apex 37 I love them to death! it is such an awesome board, and I swear if a stupid tourist tries to run me over I will make them buy me a new board. Its too bad its raining too much. not gonna risk getting hurt. my bluetooth isnt working so I'll post a picture later of my board. Love it.

So I am laying in bed waiting to get tired. Just writing this random post and listening to any songs my ipod choses to play for me. My ipod loves me and knows what best lol. so lay in bed, put your ipod on shuffle and go with whatever song plays. with this I say goodnight

Math

2010-12-10T12:08:00.000-08:00

HATEHATEHATEHATEHATEHATEHATEHATEHATEHATEHATEHATEHATEHATEHATEHATEHATEHATEAHTEHATEHATEHAHTEHATEHATEHATEHATEHATEHATEHATEHATEHATE

I know hate is a strong word...but I hate math =P nuff said

sighs

2010-12-06T01:11:00.000-08:00

"If I ever end up in the hospital again, I dont want any visitors" my uncle said those words today. how do you respond to this? my uncle was in a serious tone. I just stared at him and walked out. My family was in the room so he wasnt alone at least. I guess I know he doesnt mean it, but still the fact that he told us to stay away, just hurt.

Do you know?

2010-12-05T00:43:00.000-08:00

Do you know the story of the thousand paper cranes? I learned about this story in elementary school, when we were learning how to make origami.. The Japanese legend promises that anyone who folds a thousand paper cranes will be granted a wish by a crane. Most people wish for a cure for their illness or just a quick and speedy recovery. I learned more about this legend when we were learning about the bombing of Hiroshima and Nagasaki, a lot of kids would fold the cranes so that they or their family members would get better from their injuries. I didn't believe in the legend at first and just forgot all about it.

I used to go to the hospital a lot to keep my grandma company while she was getting her chemo. I was pretty bored, I didn't want to do any of my homework so I fell behind in school. books were just a turn off because they would have a happy ending, music helped but i would just stare at my grandma when she was laying in bed. I honestly needed something else to distract me. A nurse noticed how agitated I was most of the time, she just knew there were other family members like me wishing they could do something. She gave me some origami paper and told me to get busy. I did. I made everything i knew how to make. Paper planes, frogs, dogs, cats, flowers, hats, and cranes. It took me a long while to remember the legend, and once I did...I just went at it.

My sisters Megan and kalen found out what I was doing and decided to help out. I made around 600 before they realized what i was doing and they helped me finish the rest. A thousand paper cranes later, I made the wish hoping, praying, and believing that this would work. that my grandma would be cured of her cancer and would be able to see me grow up into the woman she wanted me to be. It worked. It fcking worked....for about seven months, my grandma was diagnosed with a different cancer. I don't regret those seven months. Having my grandma home every night getting better, growing her hair back. It was fcking awesome. But when she told us the news that she was diagnosed again.I disappeared for a while. I didn't want to go through that all over again, how do you endure two years of watching your loved be so sick that she cant go home, to getting all better coming home forgetting the past two years, and THEN it all comes back again. wtf.

I was a bad grand daughter at the time, I wouldn't go home so that I wouldn't see my grandma so sick. I would stay over at a friends house, wander around the neighborhood or just sit outside the house until I was needed. One night my grandma broke her leg doing something, we rushed her to the hospital and got her all fixed up. that day was another wake up point for me, and probably the turning point of my grandmas life. It went downhill from there.

A couple months later.... my grandma passed away, at home in her bed. I stayed home that night for my family and the next morning. When I had the courage to go upstairs, the first thing i saw was the cranes. Those stupid paper cranes that gave me hope. Like in Gena Showalters books...hope is demon. hope will kill you in the end, a slow painful kill.I ended up taking my car and driving around, I ended up going to a park that I always go to to forget things. I burned the cranes. I just stared at them watching them burn, wishing things were different as usual. I haven't made a crane since then, don't think I have the heart to make one.

My friend told me she was making cranes, and I just remembered everything. My cousins know I made the cranes, and I'm wondering if they'll do the same thing. I'm not going to tell them to not do it. I had 7 months of my grandma being healthy. I'll never regret that time. Maybe my uncle will get better. maybe not. hope will dissapoint sooner or later, Im just glad I had seven months. I hope my uncle gets better, my cousins need him . なんくるないさ I guess.

Songs

2010-12-03T15:38:00.000-08:00

Bullet for my Valentine: Heart burst into Fire

I'm coming home
I've been gone for far too long

Do you remember me at all?
I'm leaving

Have I fucked things up again?

I'm dreaming

Too much time we'd have to spend

It hurts, wounds so sore

Now I'm torn, now I'm torn

I've been far away

When I see your face

My hearts burst into fire

Hearts burst into fire

You're not alone

I know I'm far from home

Do you remember me at all?

I'm leaving

Do you wait for me again?

I'm screaming

No more days we'd have to spend

It hurts, wounds so sore

Now I'm torn, now I'm torn

I've been far away

When I see your face

My hearts burst into fire

Hearts burst into fire

My beds become so lonely

No arms or sheets to hold me

Has this world stopped turning?

I'll wait forever to be apart, forever to be apart

It hurts, wounds so sore

Now I'm torn, now I'm torn

I've been far away

When I see you face

My hearts burst into fire

Hearts burst into fire

I'm coming home

I've been gone for far too long

Do you remember me at all?

I'm leaving

I'm screaming

I'm dreaming

My hearts burst into fire

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PT8gcZh_42w the best cover Ive heard of Just a Dream

Sitting here

2010-12-03T15:23:00.000-08:00

Guess its time for another random post.

Im sitting in the hospital keeping my uncle company since I have no school or work on Fridays. Im in a different hospital than the one my grandma used to go to, so it feels weird being here. I got lost earlier trying to buy some food, took me a while to get back but I got here. I probably shouldnt be eating ice cream in front of my uncle since hes not allowed to...but I need some comfort food. Mutliple myleyoma is what my uncle has. its the reason why he was having some kidney issues and some back pain. its all symptoms. he basically has cancer. it can be treated since it was found right away and my uncle has had good health before this. I should be happy about this right? my uncle has a chance of getting better, so why am I not happy?

Im wondering whats gonna change. Im wondering if Im going to blow off my friends again to come stay in the hospital. Im wondering can i talk to them about this? Im wondering if I can be stronger for my uncle than how I was with my grandma. Im wondering where to start.

I miss the old hospital, it was familiar there. Here. I dont know where anything is, I dont know the nurses, I dont know a place where i could go outside and still be close to my uncle. The food here sucks too.

Blah

2010-12-02T03:07:00.000-08:00

One of my friends favorite word is blah. and right now its the one word that just pops into my head. there are just too many things in life right now making me grow up. making me remember. making me wish things were different. making me wish I had no regrets. But no one can change the past. we can forgive and forget and just move on in life. But there is nothing we can do to change things that have already happened. I know I cant change anything, and like the spoiled brat I am, I complain like theres no tomorrow. I just sit their and nag my life away. I need to fcking step up more. I need grow up and realize. Life is trying to push me down and keep me down.

The same friend showed me this link: http://megansfairy-tale.blogspot.com/
and it made me cry, remember, and realize what I have.

BLAHBLAHBLAHBLAHBLAHBLAHBLAHBLAHBLAHBLAHBLAHBLAHBLAHBLAHBLAHBLAHBLAH

なんくるないさ

2010-12-01T10:55:00.000-08:00

I plan on getting the title of this post around my ankle. It basically means whatever happens, happens or everything will be alright. My friends think that matches me perfectly, but right now I dont see it that way. My grandma went trhough four years of cancer, and she passed away this January. If your a follower you know I miss her, and Im still not over it. If my teachers in school decide to use cancer as an example for something I somehow tune everything out wirhout even knowing it. My classmate even decided to make a cancer joke and I just told him to shut the fck up and walked out of class...today should be fun seeing him again... I cant even be in a hospital and go crazy trying not to remember. Last night I found out my uncle has cancer now too. We dont know how serious it is, but still hearing that another loved one in my family has cancer, just fcking sucks. How can I say everything will be alright. How can I say whatever happens, happens. You know what else fcking sucks, some hospitals wont let kids under the age of 12 to go in the patient rooms, my uncles daughter my cousin is only 11 years old. She couldnt go in to see her father, she couldnt be there for him, she didnt understand what was going on. I want to say that everything will be alright. I really do. But Im not strong enough to say those words, because Im still not alright.

Life 8

2010-11-29T23:00:00.000-08:00

I must say. this week. was one of the reasons why I love living.a lot more ups than the downs. Have you ever had that moment where your just super sad and want someone to talk to? I sure as hell did today at school, and somehow all the right people just make my day. Just one after another my friends would be there for me and get me to awkwardly smile in class. All my teachers think im crazy for smiling in the middle of a lecture and my classmates wont stop teasing me for it, but who cares. I love my friends for what they do for me.

Thanksgiving was okay for me, its the first year without my grandma, and it just wasnt the same. Im gonna have to get used to it. My uncle ended up going to the hospital on thanksgiving too, we were all pretty worried that he wasnt okay, he said he was having chest pains and we all thought he was having a heart attack. He didnt have a heart attack. He may be having kidney problems though... I guess that just runs in the family and it scares the shit out of me.

Black Friday... Awesome =] nuff said

two more weeks of the semester... hope finals dont kill my grades

waiting for our midnight banana cream pie =]

my best friend and me xD

hope your having a good week in this ugly yet beautiful world

Thinking about you

2010-11-27T23:49:00.000-08:00

So I was pretty depressed at work, and i started drawing random things and writing whatever was on my mind just so that I could get it out of my head. It really sucks being on an island sometimes, I miss certain people and I wish things could happen with certain people but I know its never gonna happen. So at work this came to mind:

What if I told you I loved you? What if I said I wanted to see where things would go with us? If I told you I wanted to be the reason why you randomly smiled in the middle of the day? If I wanted to be the person who could make you blush with the most innocent of comments? What if I wanted you to be the person whose name I couldn’t get out of my head? What if? What if I know this will never happen? What if I fall for you more than I already have? What if? What if I could just drop everything and run to your side, despite whatever distance there might be between us at any time? What if dreams became real? What if this actually happened? If you found out how I felt about you? What if?

Happy Thanksgiving everyone =]

2010-11-25T12:15:00.000-08:00

Happy thanksgiving from Hawaii =]

Hopefully everyone has a great day, and a great shopping day tomorrow =]

life 7

2010-11-23T11:06:00.000-08:00

I always say there are ups and downs in life. life has been a pain in the ass, ive really had my ups and downs. two kick ass days partying and studying with friends, and then just certain conversations get to me and it makes me remember stuff Im trying to forget about.

I get my apex 37 on monday, hopefully. No work on Thanksgiving for me :D and black friday im going to shop and end up blowing off my whole pay check. My little sister Kalen has her concert that night too, and Im going to hang out with my best friend and work =] A lot of things to look forward to in the next couple of days and im not gonna let anything bring me down...hopefully.

this made my day walking home after a shitty day of school

this just looked cool at work xD

Bad side to the last week, dad officially quit his job with no back up job, found out next semesters tuition, and I screwed up with one of my best friends...we'll have to see where that goes I guess

Life 6

2010-11-18T11:21:00.000-08:00

Life always has its ups and downs. As long as everything balances out it should be okay right? My whole life Ive been trying to balance everything out, but with the way my family is right now. I dont want to have any part of them. I love my family to death, and after I lost my grandma it honestly started to go downhill. My mom is becoming more controlling, my dad is quitting his job because he doesnt want to work anymore, my sisters are acting up and causing trouble for everyone. The only sane one seems to be my grandpa, so me and him are like two peas in a pod now. I guess this is me giving up on trying to get along with my family. I just need to calm down and find my balance again. Im just gonna find the time to read, hang out with friends more, focus on school and work.

Life is worth living as long as you find balance. I need that now.

Life 5

2010-11-09T11:09:00.000-08:00

I have no idea how to start this "life" this week. Its just too confusing on whats happened in the past 30 hours actually. The other day my dad told us that he was going to quit his job and his last day of work is on the 17th of this month. He has no back up job and he wants to move to Las Vegas to find a new job and send money home when he can.... but honestly thats a bunch of bullshit. My dad loves to gamble hes not an addict or anything but I think he could be one. Im not known to be able to control my anger, and last night I just snapped at my dad. He made my sisters cry, hes leaving us to go gamble more in Vegas and he made me side with my mom. If youve read my past blog posts my mom and I never get a long, but I would never wish for her to have to raise three girls alone. I just dont know what to say to my dad, my friends are telling to me to cool down and then talk to him some more about this. How do you talk to a man who had an idea of leaving his family behind, how do you talk to someone that selfish?

In all honestly my biggest fear in life is that I would have to be the big sister who has to quit college and find two jobs to help support the family. I love my family but Ive always wanted to go to college and get my degree in somethiing and become something. And idk where life is going to take me in the next couple of months.

So because of

2010-11-07T12:24:00.000-08:00

So because of stupid tourist not knowing how to stay on their side of the road and me thinking I was safe and no cars would hit me, I full on ate shit(fell) causing my arm to get all cut up from the road, shoulder popped out and my skateboard literally went fliying off a cliff and I cant get it back. my skateboard is my way to school and my ride home....so I have to drive now, which isnt so bad, skating is just cheaper and a lot more fun. So I am in need of a new skateboard. and the one I want is around 250 with the bearings, wheels and everything. So I am semi broke right now, because all of my money is going towards my next semester at college. To save more money Im cutting off coffee, buying greek food and sadly no buying books for my nook

this is the new board i am hopefully going to get

Life 4

2010-11-02T02:20:00.000-07:00

So its monday again and Im sitting in a barnes and nobles cafe writing this. It is the only place I can study, dont know why it just is. I hope everyone had a great halloween and a great weekend in general =] my sisters had a lot of fun besides the light shower of rain every 30 minutes xP and being a college student I went to a lot of parties over the weekend and didnt finish all of my homework. I think Ive gotten 20 hours of sleep since thursday, and I dont think im gonna catch up on sleep anytime soon with only two more months of school.

So time for the pictures =]

Life 3

2010-10-25T13:44:00.000-07:00

I think Im just gonna do this every monday

Got my guitar! Love it =] co-worker was bored at work so she drew a picture of me. And Friday was a lot of fun xD

Still sick

2010-10-20T14:12:00.001-07:00

So Im pretty sure I got my cold from my mom and or my coworker, and it sucks! Im pretty sure I failed my midterm in Biology because I was too sick to study and Im missing three more classes today, but I think I passed my math midterm and I hope I did okay on my english test yesterday.

Today Im home sick and I made some left over fish, tea and rice. the best food to eat when your sick next to chicken noodle soup =]

And of course to keep me from dying of boredom my friend sends me a funny picture from work

Life 2

2010-10-18T20:15:00.000-07:00

life is worth living =]

So i was riding my sector nine and ate shit, and ended up laying on the road in pain for a while. In my moment of pain my sister and friend decided to draw around me and make it looked like I died.

this was a fun night =]

Life

2010-10-13T02:15:00.000-07:00

My grandmas birthday is coming up soon. miss her like crazy and I wish she were still around to see me and my sisters having a great time, doing whatevers. She met most of my friends too, and i think she would laugh really hard with me if she looked at my pictures. So Im sharing them with you too, hope you laugh or at least smile like i always do =]

<----

Lara Adrian

2010-10-13T01:06:00.000-07:00

Lovelovelove her books. The Midnight Breed series is what got me into paranormal romance books. These are what real vampires are suppose to be like, kick ass, mysterious, killer tattoos and HOT xD. no twilight for me. these vampires are what its all about =]

Series order:
Kiss of Midnight
Kiss of Crimson
Midnight Awakening
Midnight Rising
Veil of Midnight
Ashes of Midnight
Shades of Midnight
Taken by Midnight (just got this book ten minutes ag0, cannot wait to read this book)

http://www.laraadrian.com/home.php#quiet

fun times with the right people

2010-10-11T01:18:00.000-07:00

not sure when we did this xD

Sleep

2010-10-09T13:07:00.000-07:00

I need to get more sleep, college is really killing me. I also need to remember what days I have work so that the day before I dont go to a midnight to dawn party at the beach. xD I have work at 11, and it is now 1009 am...Im tired and I have no time for a nap, and I really hope I dont fall asleep at work...xD

So dont be like me and get some sleep

first song of the day

2010-10-07T11:36:00.000-07:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oh6Oz-L156c&feature=fvw

essays

2010-10-06T01:27:00.001-07:00

I swear it shouldnt be to hard to write an essay where you DONT get graded on grammar, spelling, organization or punctuation. all i have to do it write my opinion on why Im writing about this person in the first place...and i am drawing a complete blank, im passionate about this topic too and I got nothing...

sad sad day

my friends and i failing

2010-10-05T00:46:00.000-07:00

=]

2010-10-04T01:36:00.000-07:00

なんくるないさ

ssoo...which one

2010-10-04T00:32:00.000-07:00

So Batman or

Green Lantern???

life

2010-10-03T22:58:00.000-07:00

life gave me a pretty good beat down this weekend xD. I got beat down but i got back up and had a kick ass weekend(literally)

Thursday:

My friend decides she wants to go to the beach before class. So I got my butt up at 445 am to watch the sunrise and to surf. I should have just stayed on the beach and watched her surf because some people just dont realize that when youre on a wave, its yours. doesnt matter if youve been waiting longer, once you get the wave its yours. so what youre suppose to do is get out of the way... never assume people get out of your way. cause like they say when you assume you make an ass out of you and me, or something like that. So since i wasnt paying attention to anything but the wave i was on, i didnt realize this one dude trying to catch my wave. To avoid both of us losing the wave, i decide to pull out. and all to my knowledge i hit rocks in the water and get a huge cut on my shoulder.

School was a blast lol. i looked like a hobo when sharing my essay

Friday:
lets see..friday wasnt as bad, until an old lady almost ran me over on my skateboard, i ended up flying into the air and making the cut on my shoulder bleed even more. I got ramen though and decided what longboard i want.

Saturday:
Airsoft. nuff said...if you dont understand me...go play a full auto game
then work from 3-9

Sunday:
Got into a fight and won :D i probably shouldnt be proud of that but I am. if anyone, I mean anyone tries to steal my grandmas bose earphones I will kick your ass. Ended up getting hit a couple of times, but the punch to my jaw is really killing me right now

then at night barnes and nobles to do homework.

all in all a good weekend

mornings

2010-10-02T15:44:00.000-07:00

My new theory is to start the day in the best possible way you can, and if the rest of the day is shit, then oh well you had a kick ass morning =]
For me I got on my sector nine, which is basically a skateboard and rode around my neighborhood. =] ate shit yesterday but i didnt today so its great =]

Chronicles of Vladimir Tod

2010-09-30T00:11:00.000-07:00

Just finished Twelfth Grade kills by Heather Brewer, and honestly...I was kinda disappointed. I love the whole Chronicles of Vladimir Tod books, and they were all fast paced books with mystery, romance and its about vampires. But for me, the books were too fast paced, there were more things i would have loved Heather Brewer to add in. Even if the books were fast paced, they are still great books to read, and I would most definitely recommend them to anyone. So get to reading =]

Pictures

2010-09-29T23:55:00.000-07:00

This is my view from school. I swear just the sight of hawaii makes me not pay attention in class

even when its raining its still a beautiful sight

The only bad thing about school is that I have to walk up these stairs if i cant find parking

Alkaline trio

2010-09-29T01:52:00.000-07:00

New band to listen when your reading. Alkaline trio, has been around for a while but I just discovered them and fell instantly in love with this one song. Calling all Skeletons =]. I found this song right before I was about to read Return to Paradise by Simone Elkeles. To me it was the best band to listen to when I was reading.

So far my top three fav songs:

Calling All Skeletons
Help me
Mercy Me

Lyrics for Calling All Skeletons

Here it is again yet it stings like the firsttime

Seems it never ends, Double nickels on your dime

I thought we were friends, but i guess it just depends who you ask

These feelings tend to leave me with a hole in my chest

A hole in my chest

Now the time has come I just wish I could erase

All the damage done to your name and your keepsakes

Its only just begun, its been fun, we were blind deaf and dumb

There's a party in my closet calling all skeletons

All Skeletons..... Calling all

Where did you go as the lights went black?

look whats become of me

Ive grown to love your dissapearing acts,

Do one more pretty please

Now the time has come I just wish I could erase

all the damage done, all the pain, all this heartache

Its only just begun its been fun, we were fucked up and numb

Theres a killer on the corner and hes looking for love

Hes.... looking for love

Yeah hes looking for (you my love)

Where did you go as the lights went black?

Looks what become of me

Ive grown to love your dissapearing acts,

Do one more pretty please

And to tell you the truth I lost my faith in you

(You gotta stop sneaking off on me)

And these unspoken lies appear at the worst times

(you gotta stop sneaking off on me)

Theyre hiding just behind your eyes

Where did you as the lights went black?

look whats become of me

Ive grown to love your dissapearing acts,

Do one more pretty please

Where did you go once the lights went black?

You nearly gace us a heart attack

We thought you mightve swam out to sea

You gotta stop sneaking off on me

you gotta stop sneaking off on me