Wednesday, November 21, 2012

"You still love her don't you?" I ask myself that question every single day. 

I was finally able to tell her how I felt and it made me the happiest girl in the world. I was able to tell the person I thought I could fall in love with how I truly felt. 
She just didn't feel the same way. She betrayed me. She made me look like a fool and this post is going to be very repetitive of my other posts but I need to say it over and over again so that it will get through to me. 

Even when I tell others why we aren't friends anymore I can't find myself truly hating her. When they tell me to kick her out of my house I can't say I will. I should but I can't. I still have feelings for her and I don't want to lose her. 

I wish I could just fall in love with someone else. Have them love me back and help me move on. Oh wait. I tried that last time. It worked and I ended up breaking someone's heart. I don't drink my sorrows away and I don't have sloppy make out sessions with anyone. I like to think that I take relationships seriously, that when you do ask someone to be yours you already trust them and you will find any way to fall in love with them and stay in love. Love. A word that's thrown around. It has no meaning anymore. 

If I really did love her. I would move past all of this and just be her friend. Right?

I wanted her to be the arrow and I be the target. Not the other way around. Guys have chosen her and she said yes. I wanted her to ask me so that I know she wants me and she will fight for me. Is that so much to ask for?

I guess it was. I say that because any person who ever did love me at one point in life wouldn't have treated me the way they did. The deal breaker for all of this? SHE MADE ME TELL HER BOYFRIEND THAT I LIKED HER! I didn't know he was her boyfriend at the time. Looking back on that day. I shouldn't love her anymore.
But I do.